Growing up I didn’t understand the fairy of love. I never imagined myself falling in love. I saw people with their partners and I was like, how is this done? Or when you grow up things just connect and you have someone to be with? There were many questions that I asked myself. I thought it would be easy when I get there. Well, I grew and I had my taste of what mine.
At age 15, I felt it in my heart. A feeling that came from no were. I couldn’t explain what it was but it was a pleasure that was great when fulfilled. I think that was when I had my first crush. It kept me awake for days. Thoughts rolled over my head. How can I live without these people? I have to find my way to her heart. That was when I got to understand that when you love something you go for it. It doesn’t come by itself. When I started the journey of having her, then I realized everyone I saw happy with a partner when I was a kid, bullied their way to having them. I have to also get mine. I couldn’t have her because I didn’t know how to. I lost her.
As shy as I am, words can’t flow from my mouth. I love passionately but I can’t seem to know how to express it. My shyness takes me away from the woman I wish to have. Time passed, I grew and I started to learn through the pain of the experience. With the little words I had, I was still afraid to use them. Love that was amazing and could have been the best sort of me vanished because I couldn’t take a step toward her. Maybe I would have succeeded but I gambled it away with my shyness.
In the quest to find myself in love, I had to build that word’s power. I found my writing spirit and pulled what I couldn’t say out into words. It didn’t work out. That was when I said to myself, “Maybe when the time is right, I will get the right person coming my way.” That wasn’t wrong but I couldn’t have also sat just like that and waited so I had to try to build and evolve well. I started the silly words out to find a partner.
A good partner is whom everyone seeks. For the number of times I tried, I can’t remember. But when I started the journey, I couldn’t handle rejection. The known term is “Bounce”. I received a lot and I had to find a way to deal with the pain. Sleep was always my antidote and many could know anytime I had gotten rejected because I will be sleepy always. That was how I dealt with the pain it brought me.
Time has passed I haven’t found her yet, but I have grown to accept rejection. I have my friend telling me, “A woman’s rejection isn’t about your reputation or ambitions. It’s just about what they also wish for their partners to be like. Some like dark-skinned, a footballer, and others. Don’t worry, one day you will find someone whom you will fit perfectly in their choice.” I said I have heard but I just can’t stop trying. When we try and fail, we get better.
In this love journey, I have seen and experienced a lot. Many things I never thought could have happened. Sometimes you just don’t know what you are doing wrong. Other times you feel that’s the best that can come at that moment. Maybe when the right time comes, she will come through. But when will this time come? I don’t know but I’m hopeful things will get better.
The best of this “bouncing” is, it gives me the chance to learn. Learn to be a better human in terms of love. You might not know the love language of that special one. But through many trials, you will learn the most. When you meet her one day, you can try each one till the one that fits. I know the time will come and I also hope when that time comes I can recognize it.
Many have found their love. Many are still on the road too. But for me, I will say I am still in a state of rest and I don’t know when I will get that push. The success I see it being in many forms. My marriage life is one and I hold it dear to my heart. Anyone married is a great man to me. I know how the journey can be and how it isn’t easy to settle on one. In all, congratulations to them for making this happen. May we all be great in our married lives.
I know I will find that angel to complete me. The angel to give me the peace I seek. The angel gave me those twins as children as I always dream of. That angel who will make the man for the future I want to be. I know the world will hear of us. Until she comes my way, I will keep trying. One day it’s going to be congratulations to us.
