Which feelings or emotions do I find most difficult to open up about, and what helps to make it easier to share?
I'd say Love, simple as that and surprisingly, or maybe not surprisingly for those that get it automatically, love is the hardest emotion for me to express. Out of all the emotions people experience, love is the one that leaves me feeling the most vulnerable. It is strange because love is often portrayed as something beautiful, something everyone desires, yet for me, it is also the emotion that carries the greatest risk.
I guess the reason for my hesitation at showcasing it is that genuine love feels increasingly rare these days. We live in a time where many people confuse love with attraction, like ive seen people see someone for the first time and be like "i love you" and in my mind im like noo, you attracted to the person which is understandable but love, right off the bat, no i dont believe it and i believe it is misconstrued. Someone can enjoy your company, admire your appearance and just call it love. and because of all this, the word itself has almost lost some of its meaning. It gets thrown around so casually that when you genuinely feel it, you begin to question whether others understand it the same way you do.
I have been genuinely in love once in my life. It was when i was much younger, looking back, it was one of the few times I allowed myself to be completely open with another person. I shared my thoughts, my fears, my dreams, and the parts of myself that I normally keep hidden. I trusted someone enough to let down my guard, it was new to me then, and i believed that was how it was meant to be.
When that relationship ended, the pain that followed was unlike anything I had experienced before. Before then, I had heard people talk about heartbreak and always thought it was just a dramatic expression. After going through it myself, I finally understood why it is called heartbreak. It felt like something inside me had been broken. Even now, I struggle to fully describe how painful that period was. Whether intentionally or unintentionally, i believe that experience taught me to be more guarded with my emotions. I learned to protect myself, while there is some wisdom in being careful about who you trust, I also know that it has made expressing love much harder. Whenever I begin to develop feelings for someone, there is a part of me that remembers the pain and immediately becomes cautious. Instead of speaking openly, I find myself holding back and analyzing everything. It is almost like a defense mechanism that developed over time.
On the other hand and with my current relationship i believe makes it easier for me to share love is trust, not even grand gestures. When I feel safe with someone, when their actions consistently match what they say, and when I know that my vulnerability will not be used against me, I find it easier to express what I truly feel. I still believe love is one of the most beautiful emotions a person can experience, but ive also come to the conclusion that in this life, not many couples will get to experience it wholesomely, what i mean by this is that a situation where both parties genuinely love each other.
