Could you be that special scared (but not strong) one for an oily bum?
A Dating Message from Jack Off
by The Invisible Man

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[First Message to prospective new date.]

Hey, How are you?

I read your profile and you sound scared.

Are you interested in stalking? It's one of my favourite pastimes. If you've seen my profile, you'll know that I'm creepy and you'll have noticed my curly toenails. I hope these won't be a problem for you?

Looking through your photos, you look very alive and extremely quiet. I particularly like your floppy triceps.

You're not strong though, are you? I don't think so. But from your profile, I can't quite be sure. I'm really not after somebody strong, so please put me out of my misery.

Let me tell you a funny story that happened to me today. I took my gerbil, sticky to the vet and said, "My gerbil is cross-eyed... is there anything you can do for her?"

"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at her." So, he picked sticky up and examined her eyes, then took her temperature."

Eventually, he said "I'm going to have to put her down."

Naturally, I was horried. "You're going to put her down just because she's cross-eyed?"

"No, because she's really heavy."

Seriously, though. I've had a great day, helping myself. My job as a bum is really rewarding. I'm told I'm a very oily man.

Come out with me this weekend, and I'll show you just how oily I can be.

Love from
Jack Off

P.S. There's a small chance that I might already be romantically entangled. If this is a problem for you, please give me plenty of notice.

Thanks for reading,
The Invisible Man
@theinvisibleman