Starry Longing
Between the hypocrisy and the depression, there was the quartet of violinists my parents had hired. The way they played made my mind cloud with memories, words and the last moment of their life: an accident on the crosswalk.
I was completely overcome by so many emotions that when I came to my senses, the sun was shining brightly through the broken window of my room.
I knew it was a new day, but my mind was still remembering the past. Everywhere I looked in the house, there was something that reminded me of my sister's antics and creativity. My own home had become my biggest nightmare.
In a vague attempt to clear my mind after lunch, I went out into the yard to get some fresh air with Chocky.
Although it couldn't speak, by its blank stare I knew he felt the same way I did: our camp companion was gone forever. This caused I scratched its dark back for a long time, as we watched the fluffy clouds pass by.
This bittersweet peace was suddenly interrupted when I saw Chocky stand on guard. Its pointed German Shepherd ears were suddenly regal, and I didn't know what caused it.
It was only seconds after I heard my mom's voice, as Chocky bolted into the house, that I realized a guest was home.
“Jack, I'm so sorry about your little sister. I wanted to be there yesterday, but I was too far out of town,” Mr. Bentley said to me, getting up from the living room couch as he saw me enter.
I couldn't hold back the tears while hugging. Mr. Bentley was the only one I appreciated in Had Valley. He always gave us the best fishing rods when I went to the river with Sena.
He kept chatting with me and my parents, but I wasn't really paying attention, until Mr. Bentley put his hand on my shoulder.
“Life is unfair to those who shouldn't be unfair,” he said to me with a pitying gesture.
“I was just back from vacation. I hadn't seen her for a month, Mr. Bentley,” I replied with frustration.
“Still, there are second chances,” he said in a knowing tone that I didn't understand.
Then he held out a picture. It was my sister and I at our first purchase at High Fried Fish, Mr. Bentley's store.
“The Had Valley people say that on full moon nights, if you take a photo of a deceased loved one with you to the Blue Forest grotto, you can see them again,” he revealed to me.
“I don't believe in superstition, Mr. Bentley,” I promptly replied.
“I did once and it worked. Who knows if it works for you too, kid,” he said before handing me a small rock from the grotto, and leaving the house with a friendly smile.
In addition to the unexpectedness of such recommendation, I was also surprised that my parents were no longer around. Perhaps they were more broken than I was.
That night was a full moon, and although I had no will to even leave my room, the little fantasy of seeing my sister again consumed me like firewood.
Then it was Chocky and I on our way to the Blue Forest at midnight. The moon traced a path through the zigzagging streets of Had Valley. Also, an icy wind seemed to push me to the outskirts of town until I came to see the pointed trees of the Forest dancing among them with a mist that seemed to hold a thousand secrets.
Perhaps, we walked 5 kms until the entrance to the mysterious place was right in front of our eyes. Still afraid and skeptical, I remembered Sena. I took her picture just before entering and the cool breath of the Forest began to surround me.
According to the map given, the grotto was in the northeast of the Blue Forest, somewhat near Lake Ur. The fog, though dense, did not slow our march. I had brought Chocky close to me to smell the stone that Mr. Bentley had given me. Every sniff from Chockey was one more light on the trail.
To our surprise, we found ourselves in front of the grotto much faster than we thought we would. Out of excitement, I started running toward the grotto with the photo in my hand, but I quickly realized Chocky wasn't coming with me.
“What are you doing, Buddy? Come on, Sena is on the other side,” I said with tears in my eyes.
But Chocky didn't move. Instead, he started barking desperately. He barked with such fury that I even threw a branch at it to shut him up.
“Chocky, stop, you're going to call out to people camping or some lumberjack,” I warned the dog, trying to get closer to it.
My attempts were in vain; it kept barking until, as if someone touched it from behind, it suddenly jerked and began to whimper in fear.
I wanted to approach it once more, but Chocky was more spitting than ever. It was a matter of an instant before it escaped from the site and I was left without any guidance.
I didn't really understand what was going on until I looked up.
Floating above me were numerous bluish, will-o'-the-wisp-like spirits, as if trying to find out who I was.
My heart wanted to race out of my chest, as Chocky had done. In fact, it was the only thing moving in me, because fear slowly petrified my whole body.
I think it was pure instinct, but when I saw those Blue Forest spirits approaching me, I started to flee in the direction of the grotto.
I don't know how to describe it exactly, but once I went through it, everything was quiet. I entered a sudden calm that chilled all my fear. I was no longer haunted by the spirits and I had the photo of Sena still with me. Even the fog had disappeared.
The silver coin in the sky was shining and my guts kept growing. Each step felt like a victory. I could clearly see the last set of trees that separated me from Ur Lake. I didn't quite know why I sensed Sena was there, but I never doubted either.
It was by far, the most exciting moment of my life, until a lumberjack with a rotten face crossed my path.
I raised my hands in an attempt to dissuade him, but in an angry voice he demanded:
“What are you doing here? You've come to steal, haven't you?”
I wanted to answer him, but as much as I wanted to clarify the situation, I stammered several times.
“Tell me once and for all what you intend, or I'll have to call the police while unwanted things happen to you, boy,” said the lumberjack rolling up his sleeves.
I finally decided to show him the picture of Sena.
“What's with this?”
“I'm here to see my sister because it's a full moon,” I managed to say as if catching my breath again.
The lumberjack exchanged glances between me and the photo several times until he handed it back to me.
I saw compassion in his eyes, until he turned away, picked up an axe he had stuck in a felled pine tree and walked away.
I spent some time trying to assimilate the situation. I didn't know if that guy had been someone alive, or if the one who wasn't alive anymore was me.
It was difficult, but drawing what little energy I had left that night, I sighed and took my final steps towards Ur Lake. I reached up, waved the photo repeatedly, as I called out to Sena.
“Ninny, show up, I know you're here;” I said in desperation as I saw nothing was happening.
It was just frustrating not to see her. From one moment to the next, I fell to my knees and started crying at the top of my lungs.
I suddenly felt strange before me. I looked up and it was Sena. Her fingers were trying to wipe away my tears, and then I left the ground to hug her, but I just walked right through her.
“No, silly, you're over there, and I'm over here,” Sena commented after a playful giggle.
“I love you, I'm sorry I wasn't there to take care of you,” I said to her still crying.
“Don't worry, it wasn't your fault.”
“But now how will we go camping, how will we go fishing, how will we...”
“Shh! I said don't worry. Now I'll be the one to take care of you forever,” Sena said before giving me a peck on the forehead and walking off towards the lake with a goodbye wave.
I jumped into the lake to go with her, but she stopped me and said pointing to the sky:
“Wherever you go, everything will change except for the stars. So, when you feel stranger to everyone around in Had Valley or elsewhere, stars will keep on your mind our adventures for centuries, elder brother.”
Several months have passed since that time, and I could never see her again, even on a full moon and with her picture in the Blue Forest. However, on every starry night in Had Valley, I climb up on some roof and keep seeing memories everywhere, just as she promised me.
