I have to let you go!

Sometimes you really need to let go of a bad habit.

We all have them and there is no shame in that either. And sometimes you realise that you really need to let go of one of them!


Like many among us I am attached to my cellphone but while other are glued to it because of social media platforms like (Cough) Facebook, twitter, youtube, I have a totally different reason.


I wish I was addicted to the internet, I wish those sites were the reason behind the fact that I always keep my phone at hand reach but sadly it's not even close.

Sometimes something happens and it changes everything!

I started to realise that I have this problem a few days ago and ever since that day I am trying to leave my phone behind but its a hard battle. Before I know it, I have it in my hand again to make sure it's on and working, if the battery is full etc etc....


It all goes back to June 1 last year! The morning when I got the worst phonecall in my life so far! The morning that my mom called me at 08:12 to tell me that my father died. The sound of the phone, my mothers voice, the feelings of that exact moment, the color of my display and the way the phone felt in my hand are branded into my brain and turned into fear.


Not only do I go anywhere without my phone, the sound when it rings ( yes I changed the ringer) keeps putting me back in panic mode. Three days ago, after a bad night of sleep, my phone went off at 8:30 in the morning and right away I was able to pick up. Why? Because my phone was next to my pillow, where it does NOT belong. Thats how close I keep it and yes, I take it with me to the toilet as well.


It was someone who called the wrong number and they politely told me that they were sorry. It happens and that is okay but I was right back in that moment last year! It opened up my eyes for the fact that I am glued to my phone. Now there or worse things in the world, I know that but this is my struggle.


Today, I tried to leave my phone in a other room, still close enough to hear it and to reach it on time but within ten minutes it was back at my side. I tried again while I was doing some painting in the living room. I placed my phone in the kitchen. The feeling inside my chest was so weird after 15 minutes that I had to catch my phone and check it like a maniac. I wanted to try and leave my phone in the living room this evening but honestly, it will end up in bed all over again.


I wonder how long it will take me to be able to go outside the door without my phone. Things happen and I need to realise that I don't need to be reachable 24/7. Does anyone here have any tips? Perhaps went through the same thing? Any tips are welcome!

It's harder than I thought it would be!