Distant to myself

Stress takes its toll on us. Demands come from every direction; for many of us - most of the tight demands come from the inside. We become distant from our true self; we even start rejecting it, downplaying its value.

But do I even have any value?

This is a sad but real question that some of us have asked. What am I actually worth? Can I really contribute to anything in this world? Do I deserve a place in it?

Distant to the past

When some major tragic event happens, we start avoiding it over time, i.e., claiming that time heals. It does not. Wounds never truly seal. We learn to live with them. We get used to the fact that there is some pain - "the new normal", as many would rather commonly say nowadays. We make sure we never dig into those memories since, well, they are gone. Just that they are not; they pile up, one after the other, and eventually, we start pulling a heavy load everywhere, including when we are climbing up the tall hills of challenges and opportunities life brings. It is exhausting. We become just a shadow of what we could be. Yet, we believe that this is our best.

"Lonely and confused" - an AI-generated artwork I prepared in starryai

Distant to the world

Rejection is deeply ingrained in the human mind. Anything standing out attracts attention. Difference makes us start comparing an object, a person or a situation to another. Which one is better? Is this different one inferior? In what ways? Being the object of rejection means that you expect it to come spontaneously, from anywhere. Life becomes a fight or flight. One can either try defending themselves or hide, pretending that they do not exist. We are nothing and become distant from the world, living in the safety of our own bubble, a somewhat working survival strategy.

Distant to the future

Having experienced rejection and criticism, carrying the weight of the past and getting the wrong self-image leads to a gloomy attitude to the future. We tend to extrapolate based on our past experiences. How can I possibly achieve something if nobody has ever said that I am decently good and when my flaws have been underlined consistently? Do I even have the right to expect to achieve anything in my life? What future can I truly expect?

"Uncertain future" - an AI-generated artwork I prepared in starryai

Distant to one's dreams

I am worthless and unwanted; therefore, I do not deserve to receive/achieve the same as others. I wish that I could maybe succeed at work or with a hobby, but how can I expect that to happen when I am clearly inferior? I should not dream. It cannot happen. It will not come true. I am just wasting my time, keeping my head in the clouds. Dreamers are redundant members of society. They believe in vague images and waste resources that society can put into better purpose. They have to be banished. Dream jobs are overrated. Ideal partnerships do not exist. But since I identify as a dreamer, it immediately means that I simply do not qualify. I have to mask it and pretend I am someone else.

Distant to fears

The toxic way of thinking above is real. It is not attention-seeking. It is how some people go through life. Pity is not the proper reaction, but understanding and acceptance are essential. One never truly heals from past experiences, but acknowledging them is crucial. Recognising a problem is the first step toward addressing it. You cannot resolve an issue if you have no idea what it is. After that starts a long and winding journey, full of ups and downs. Its ultimate destination is to get distant from the toxic attitude towards oneself and start building a new one that makes life much more bearable and satisfactory.