This is not a post about losing weight, well at least not in the sense that I think most would initially think of. It's not about the weight, we carry on the outside. Instead, I want to talk about the heavy weights, we so often carry within.
It can be so hard to put those weights down, especially if they have been with you, a long time.
Many of us carry heavy burdens from our childhood and they begin to feel familiar, making them even harder to put down. Because who would we be without them.
Would you, still be you?
Change can be very scary, when we feel insecure.
It's crazy how we can just push things to one side, convincing ourselves that we are comfortable, when really we are dragging these burdens around. Which in turn, slow us down.
Our minds are powerful things. We can become very good, at convincing ourselves that it's best to just ignore that dull but ever presence ache, that
always pops up. We just push it down again, by whatever means we can.
In some ways, we need to. Because, although it only requires us to acknowledge it and let it go. We first, need to be ready. To understand what is required of us.
I feel like, I have now reached quite a milestone in my life.
Even though I had known, what was needed, I was, in no way ready to carry it out. I was holding onto, my pain, my anger. I was carrying it since I was a child, it was embedded in me.
Always under the surface. Not necessarily bubbling away. Just there, allowing just a few in my life to catch a glimpse of it. To experience it.
I got good at covering it up, because I was still grateful for other things within my life. I always held onto the light.
These last few weeks, I have been thinking a lot, about my last interactions with my father. How it could have gone so many different ways.
So different if I had not felt the support from so many people, if I had not feel the connection. To really be present with others, with an open heart.
It is so simple, yet so profound.
Because the act is the simplist thing indeed, but the intent, the intent burrows deep and pushes us past, what we consider the norm for communication.
Because of my ability to let go of that pain and anger, I could meet my father from a place of love. I could stroke his face and try my best, to make him comfortable.
I was able to tell him I love him and really mean it. I could offer him peace.
I could give him, what I really craved and in doing so, I also gave it to myself.
And because of that, I swear I feel lighter.
Each step I take, feels lighter. As my emotional imprint, is softer upon the earth. I can feel my glow within and things have become clearer, as I have finally offloaded my anger and pain.
