Once upon a time, I used to get presents and cakes for my birthday - I am not sure when those days ended. I also don't remember at when I started questioning what my age is and having to count from the year I was born. Twice, just to make sure. But, today I am 43.

43

Fuck.

I guess it makes sense though, as I have the maturity of a 23 year old, but my body feels like it is 63 year old, so averaging the spread, 34 sounds about right.

I probably can do without the cake anyway.

Oh well.

So, instead of actually doing anything fun for the anniversary of the completion of my 43rd year on this earth, I went to work, had several sync calls with people I am currently responsible for, delivered a session (as facilitator) and had a team meeting, where more tasks got piled on.

I did get a nice present from my in-laws though:

As well as a babysitting offer to go along with it.

That is about half a tank of fuel at the current prices.

Money doesn't really mean much these days - not because I have so much I don't have to think about it, but more that it doesn't stretch very far. Inflation puts a dent in any gains. Still, perhaps my wife and I will be able to go and get a Happy Meal from McDonald's each - maybe even a sundae for dessert.

Okay, it isn't quite that bad, but after spending a couple days in the office for a change, I think I have been brought down by all the people scared about Russia attacking Finland.

"What if they nuke us?"

Well, that would be WWIII so I hope it lands on my roof, as I already am not suited for this world and far less so for a post-apocalyptic Mad Max scenario. Some people fantasize about these kinds of things, as if they would be the ones to survive it well - no matter how many movies you have seen- the reality of it would be quite different and at least for me, I'd prefer that flash to be the last thing I see. Go out with a bang.

Mid-life existential crisis?

Perhaps.

Though I don't think I am going through it anymore than I did at 30, 20, 10 - I might be one of those people who is eternally in a state of existential crisis, always questioning the purpose and meaning of my life. Overall, the same answer keeps echoing back from the depths....

Nothing.

No purpose. No meaning. Just a life to live and do with what one pleases, paying the consequences of decisions now, but at the end of the game, it is all just fade to black and back into the ether. Is that a scary, or a comforting thought?

I think it could be both depending on framing, but I think in many ways it is comforting, as if a life is only really meaningful to ourselves, the consequences of fucking it up is very low, since at some point, the slate just gets wiped clean. Those that are scared of death or want life to continue, might be more concerned with how they are perceived by those they know. People want to be see as "good" even if it is not actually the case - but if this doesn't matter due to fade to black endings, at the time of death, there is no difference between me or the world's most violent dictator past that point - we both just cease to exist.

Is this how tyrants justify their behavior?

"How can he live with himself?"

He doesn't have to - once dead.

Sure, those who are left behind in the short term aftermath do have to live with the consequences but, they will do eventually too and in time, all the horror of the past is forgotten, which is why it is so easy for it to repeat. No one learned from the many times in the past where the conditions for something similar to WWII has happened, no one learned from that past either - here we are again - Destined to repeat.

This is a pretty upbeat birthday post!

I know, this isn't really so full of birthday excitement, but why do birthdays have to be happy occasions, why celebrate an anniversary - what happened to "be grateful for every day?" If this is the case, every day is a birthday - reborn on the sunrise to once again face the world. That is an achievement in itself for many, so why is 1 day out of the 365 in a year, treated any differently?

Maybe I should write a fluffier article later.

Happy birthday to me.

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]