The Tempestuous Tsunami Teapot

tempestuous teapot.png

Every time I get new crews in from near-Earth to our business outpost on Ventana 5, I end up fielding the same questions about Vawatu 5.

“Why is it the forbidden paradise? I mean, it can't be as bad as, say, Devorandum Aqua.”

What people do not understand is that no matter what your frame of reference for danger is, it doesn't matter compared to the vastness of the things that can happen to you in the galaxy.

The residents of Vawatu 5 are not interested in human tourism – in fact, they find humanoids abhorrent in general, and they know that most of us are not gilled – that is, we can't breathe underwater.

Hence, the utterly deadly drone above known as the Tempest in a Teapot colloquially – I think of it as the Tempestuous Tsunami Teapot.

Imagine that you have snuck onto Vawatu 5 for a day at its pristine, lovely blue beaches under its soft gold skies, just drifting away mentally as the gentle gold and blue waves lap at your toes … or, you are on a trek through its lovely green and gold jungles.

Imagine seeing that image above come out of the sky on your position, bearing a load of 100,000 gallons of water or more, and splashing down.

tempestuous teapot splash.png

Those things in the air are not just huge drops; those are reverse electrolysis beacons, taking oxygen and hydrogen from the air to make more water, on the spot.

Result: even if the initial splash didn't get the intended target, the continuing agitation of the water and the depletion of oxygen in the vicinity assures that eventually, everyone gets washed out.

The question made it all the way up to Admiral Chenggis Chulalaangkorn, fleet commander for this region of the frontier – human beings were demanding that the fleet post some kind of rescue mechanism for just such situations.

The admiral obliged, in all his intense, commanding dignity.

“Here is your rescue mechanism: don't go there. No further mechanism will be applied except for my fleet yanking your ships out of orbit and jailing its inhabitants for violation of consortium trespass law on other civilizations. If I catch you in orbit, you're going to prison. If I don't catch you in orbit, you're going to die. I'm telling you in advance, and there is your rescue mechanism.”

Admiral Chulalaangkorn made one more provision, with the permission of the Vawatuns: he took footage of one of their attacks and put buoys in orbit on their behalf, beaming the warning and the images to all ships that passed near orbit not to go there, and what would happen if they did. The buoys also acted as proximity detectors, so he could send a starship there lickety-split to yank people clear out of orbit for trespassing.

The Vawatuns of Vawatu 5 eventually joined the consortium on a provisional basis because of this, seeing how serious the consortium was in protecting their sovereignty... but in the years before that happened, I always had to field the questions, and show the pictures, and hope that I wouldn't have too many new crew members taking their first checks to get it and themselves washed out on being smuggled into the forbidden paradise protected by a tempestuous tsunami teapot.

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