That Beak, Though!

One pure fractal made in Apophysis 2.09, with one chartreuse spot added for what is not that thing's eye
that beak though.png

“We need to do a test with a full-sized decommissioned starship for WHAT, NOW?”

Admiral Benjamin Banneker-Jackson pulled over his chair and sat down, placing his white-haired head in his hand as he listened. I understood part of his frustration. It's not a question of size of vessel: it's a question of elements in the universe being built for sublight speed only – getting to warp is tricky because of that, and even when it can be done, there is a high price for beings built for sublight speed as well, though only apparent over time.

Still, Uncle Benjamin was not long caught up in whatever madness he was hearing.

“Admiral, I will certainly take this idea under consideration – if there is an old starship or two that can be disposed of, and conditions comparable to the last test, I'm certain it could be done – but do speak with Adm. Jefferson.”

Uncle Benjamin was a rear admiral, and I knew he was speaking with a full admiral or even higher – and still saying NO, but in terms the higher-ranking officer would figure out for himself while Uncle Benjamin escaped the call with his sanity and blood pressure intact, shaking his head with a smile.

“So, Captain Niece,” he said, “did you know that Miguel Alcubierre and his peers discovered the most effective means of waste management, ever – just run things up to warp speed without proper shielding and let quantum physics just break them down?”

“Say what now, Uncle Admiral?” I said, and he started laughing.

“I'm trying to keep humanity's license to explore the Solar System intact,” he said, “and other people are talking about weaponization and cutting costs on waste disposal – it is all a matter of perspective. Ever seen a Tanjaladian parrot worm?”

“I have – that beak, though!” I said as my uncle pulled one up for us to view.

“Which beak, though?” he said, and I looked again and was astonished. “And that, Khadijah, is exactly how human and humanoids get killed, because they misunderstand the analogy to something on their homeworld they think they know, and meanwhile, that thing is one great compound beak and stomach. That bright spot up there is not an eye, either. That's the back end, not the front.”

“Oop,” I said.

“That's just about what my esteemed superior is doing when he takes a failsafe for not going to warp backwards around other stars as a solution to cut waste management costs – what he sees is not what's there, and, he'll find out when Admirals Jefferson, Lee, Triefield, Bodega, and Chulalaangkorn at the minimum eat him up for the idea. We barely got the shuttle test done without every galactic rival we have hearing about what we are doing – so we're supposed to empty out the salvage yards and put them out of business by quantum dusting old ships and still keep this under wraps?”

“You would probably have a better chance trying to figure out which is the front end of a Tanjaladian parrot worm,” I said.

“Exactly,” Uncle Benjamin said. “My esteemed superior will now get a chance to have that experience, figuratively, and we pray he learns from it.”

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