I wrote a post for my recovery page on Fakebook yesterday but it disappeared.
Apparently we don't mention the war around there.
Pity... because, I've found in my experience, that the things we don't talk about are (usually) the things we really to talk about the most.
The disappeared post on Fakebook went summink like this:
Dear the Parents of the World,
It seems yet another war has been declared.
Please take the time to:
- Talk to your children today
- Listen to them actively and please don't try to "fix" their perspective.
- ALL FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS ARE ACCEPTABLE AND OKAY <3
- Let them know ALL thoughts and feelings are valid and okay (to reiterate)
- Let them know that you ALSO feel [insert your honest only human feelings here]
- Tell them there is nothing WRONG with them for feeling stressed, scared, overwhelmed [insert feeling here] because the world can be all of these things at times
- Listen to them, hold them and give hugs! Teach them skills to help them cope (DBT works simply and effectively). Support them if they want to take action and help them do this safely.
- Let them know they are not alone
- Stay connected and don't forget to play, to find some balance in the storm. It will pass... the same as those thoughts and feelings... this is inevitable. But it's far less stressful when we move through things together <3
But apparently we don't mention the war on Facebook.
This is a pity because, by refusing to acknowledge truth and all the feelings that may arise because of it...
we often end up making ourselves mentally and physically ill.
Or we use addictive substances and behaviours to try and avoid these many totally valid feelings.
It's not rocket science. Or any science at all.
It's called "being human". And alive.
Nor are these totally valid feelings "diseases" or "disorders".
But I'll tell you what is crazy...
pretending that nothing is happening and telling the people who care, and feel because they "see" it and aren't able to lie as effectively...
that they are crazy because they can't ignore it...
That's crazy!
And then medicating those people, to dull those feelings down and to help them "forget about it"...
That's fuckin' crazy, right there.
It also makes some people a LOT of money. #justsayin
The EXACT same thing happened with the psychiatric pharmaceutical industry, you know.
And the man who pushed to change the word "reactions" to the word "disorders", in the manual used to "diagnose" people, recanted some years later. He later said it maybe wasn't such a great idea to change the word "reactions" to the word "disorders" after all.
I mean... he's quoted as saying that the treatment industry needed to add this very medical word ("disorders") to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (commonly called the DSM) FOR INSURANCE PURPOSES.
Because medical insurance wouldn't pay out for things that weren't medical, right?
Yep. He's quoted as saying this. I'm not making it up. It's common knowledge in the arena of psychiatry and psychology, in fact. And there are many certified doctors and professionals, in the same arena, who've been concerned about this for as long as this "disorder" thing was added to said manual.
You know what's crazy?
What's crazy is that everybody knows this is happening, yet they still give every student studying in this arena this very same book. And they tell them this book is "The Bible of Psychiatry and Psychology".
That's crazy, huh?
When even the individual who updated the book to contain said "disorders" now says it may not have been such a great idea.
Yeah. That's fuckin' crazy, right there.
Here's another individual who feels too much, by the way.
It makes for genius if people use it creatively, I guess.
You can hear it in his lyrics. His perspective on the world. How he struggles with all of it. His addiction because it's too much for him at times.
Addiction isn't really about the using of substances, by the way.
It's about the "thinking" and the behaviour.
I'll leave this here because Counting Crows said it better (again).
It's really rather incredibly beautiful.
I guess because it's honest. And real. And many of us also feel this way, only we're often too scared to share it. Because that's "crazy", isn't it? To feel that strongly about things. To care that deeply about things. To feel that much.
But I've always loved their music.
It was only that I didn't know myself well enough to know why it resonated with me so deeply, until quite recently. But I've always loved it. I know most of the lyrics by heart, in fact.
Still.
And when you know Counting Crows well enough to know their lyrics off by heart, (is it twenty odd years later now?), and you find something like this... you get pretty excited about it.
Is it art or is it music?
Who cares when it's genius?!
So most of y'all don't know this about me but I'm into gaming.
Yep. I'm a 51 year old mom who loves Fortnite! 😁
I only began to play the game because I wanted to stay connected to the younger human. And it does that. It keeps us connected. And talking. But when I began to play it, I fell in love with it in full as well.
Sadly he's moved on to older games now and he doesn't play Fortnite much with me anymore. We did yesterday though. He played with me because of a Star Wars crossover again. And we are both Star Wars children.
Lightsabers are back in the game! Who could resist being a Jedi for a day?!
Anyhoo... he had his Lightsaber and I had a Turret. Totally overpowered and really not fair, but hey ho... I'd never take one into the final two so...
Long story short we were kickin' it!
But I got cocky and rushed ahead into battle because another team was opening a something or other that contained a whole bunch of loot.
I died. Of course.
And then he died trying to save the day.
"Sorry!" I said. "I can't resist the loot!" Ongoing meme conversation between us. Yeah... we talk in memes
"I got too excited." I said.
Look at all that loot!" I cried, mournfully, as I watched the other team looting up. And then I added, "I'm a Niffler!", for good measure, because Harry Potter fans as well.
And this is what the younger human came back with, without blinking an eye:
"You must learn to control your emotions, young Jedi!" he sternly admonished. 😆
Precious time.
And then my son threw the quote in below for good measure.
I have trained him well!
Also... look! "It's the guy from Forntite!" 👇
Maybe it's not so good to avoid talking about things because we're afraid then.
And maybe it's not so good to avoid allowing ourselves to feel things...
because we are too afraid to feel them.
Huh?
Oh... so we also invested in this game, recently, because the younger human showed me the trailer and I was like...
nailed it!
Anyway. I took a couple of days off from the internet of amazing things to "sit" with the news lately.
I was pretty bummed about we humans. I even considered becoming a hermit in full (again). That was the best few hours of the week thus far! And then I got a bit "depressed" Change, with subsequent learning over the years to: "I had an **emotional flashback"!**
Because allowing this awful news to simmer also took me back (as these things always do)...
to my own personal trauma.
Perhaps this is why we humans find these things too frightening to talk about at times as well.
Watching those kids flee in terror took me back to a time when I felt also felt powerless and alone. And knowing some of them may not make it home either...
made me feel powerless and hopeless again.
Here's the thing... you don't necessarily have to jump in and fix things to help folks who are in high stress situations. You don't even need to feel responsible for situations that aren't of your making. Sometimes you can't do anything much anyway, you see.
But if you're strong enough to observe, listen and acknowledge somebody's experience you may save them from ending up traumatized in the first place...
simply by validating their experience and supporting them through it by being a part of it. Simply by making sure they don't feel isolated and overwhelmed in the situation.
Because this is how trauma is created... and I'll say it again (and again) because it bears repeating:
It is not the situation alone, or in and of itself, that causes the trauma.
Humans are left with trauma when they feel isolated and overwhelmed in a situation.
So please...
please...
share and connect with people who you trust when times are stressful. And don't be afraid to listen to each other. Or to speak!
Let's stay connected now. ❤️
"I'm not critical of the people who do psychotherapy.... I am attacking the theories of psychotherapy. You don't attack the grunts of Vietnam; you blame the theory behind the war. Nobody who fought in that war was at fault. It was the war itself that was at fault. It's the same thing with psychotherapy. It makes every problem a subjective, inner problem. And that's not where the problems come from. They come from the environment, the cities, the economy, the racism. They come from architecture, school systems, capitalism, exploitation. They come from many places that psychotherapy does not address. Psychotherapy theory turns it all on you: you are the one who is wrong. What I'm trying to say is that, if a kid is having trouble or is discouraged, the problem is not just inside the kid; it's also in the system, the society."
James Hillman : On Soul, Character and Calling:
A Conversation with James Hillman, By Scott London
P.L.U.R.
Hardened Dreamer
Mother
Peaceful Warrior
Determined Dancer
and Stargazer
still...
Beyond fear is freedom
And there is nothing to be afraid of.
To Life, with Love... and always for Truth!
Nicky Dee