Hello dear friends!
Once again I look at a blank space which this time I think is more eager to be filled with words... because I haven't written in a time, well, almost a week, but for a person who likes to do it, it takes a long time.
So why have not I been posting on Hive? That is the question. And the answer is my reflection of the day and therefore my #ThoughtfulDailyPost…
It has been an accumulation of situations, which started in one way and ended in another, unexpectedly and unwanted.
It all started practically a week ago, I knew I had to stop, take a break because I felt a certain lack of motivation, I was saturated and somewhat disenchanted. Because I like Hive but sometimes I also feel that I spend too much time on it, maybe not too much in general because more is always possible but too much because it took time away from other things, and in reality I had to be more focused on my work for example. I also felt a certain obligation that I myself created, “publish, publish more content, content”. Maybe too much pressure and that's how it happens. I know I must take it differently now.
A pressure that ends up exploding.
But it's also summer, a period in which we should spend less time in front of the screen, so I sensed that at some point I should take a break. But not like that…
It all started last Sunday, I started to feel bad, a little dizziness that I attributed to the heat, something common. But no, and we are no longer talking about lack of motivation or simple fatigue, it was pain and fever. I had never been bad in summer on my life.
The pain was strange but intense, as if it were two daggers in my back that were rotating without ceasing, until I took something and it disappeared. But the fever continued and I refused to continue like this, I went to the sea to bathe and it disappeared, although it returned later and only one day later it disappeared. But it did not end there. Suddenly the cold appeared that I have clearly attributed to air conditioning, but how do I work without air conditioning if you can't live inside without it? It's very hot and humid, so with the sweat, the cold air, all together... it wasn't good, but I have to continue, removing it a little or softer but I have to work.
I had to continue working but I would get dizzy when I stood up, and it was hard for me to concentrate being weak like this, that's how it has been these days. I worked from bed, but not at the same pace so I had to focus on one thing, and delete the rest, no running of course and no Hive, I couldn't even think enough to think about posting…
Every day something different, although something better. Again yesterday another bath to clear the mind, to refresh the body, inside the sea is where I am best but you have to get out. And I only thought that I was working less and losing earnings, because I only earn for tasks performed and I have to do more to earn more, so I had an anxiety attack, frustration for wanting to do more and feeling that my mind and body were not enough for more.
My head was spinning a thousand times and while everything was spinning I thought about the reason for this. A collapse, extreme exhaustion from a lot of pressure and obligation over a long period of time, almost every day this year. It's too much.
And everything somatizes and comes out and it is difficult to face, because I want to continue. I kept going, and also kept thinking, coming to no conclusion, I just wanted my routine back. Curiously, I checked at the pharmacy that my blood pressure was low, it happens to me with the heat, but now more. And is there something for this? They tell me no: "just have something salty or a coke". Really?
So that's what I do, I eat salty, yes I needed salt, I notice the difference, will it be enough? Will I be able to continue?
Because today I get up, everything turns less, I can sit in front of the screen, I continue working, and tomorrow more, because I have to recover, but I stop for a moment and start writing all this in front of the screen because I miss posting here.
Final Thoughts
It has been an abnormal and very strange week, nothing as expected, nothing on vacation, but an accumulation of feeling physically and emotionally bad. A week of illness and weakness, of so many thoughts, stress and responsibility. And I realize that I cannot continue like a tank day after day.
The body perceives everything, the pressure and also the sudden changes in temperature, and there comes a day, a summer day even when, if there is no rest, your own body forces you to stop.
We have to be careful, we have to take care of what we do, how we do it and also what we think, what are our thoughts? Sleep more, and relax, we deserve to rest too. We deserve to do what we like, and sometimes we deserve to do nothing.
The difficult thing is to find that balance that mind and body need. Avoid getting too hot and then too cold, but once in a while, stop and cool off. Enjoy the summer.
I have the sea near... and as my calendar says...