Larry sat across from John Keppler, the polished host of Cosmic Curiosities, who eyed him with a subtle skepticism. The studio lights were bright, casting a spotlight on him as John shuffled his papers and gave a small smile, the kind that seemed to say, I already know the truth.
“Good evening, listeners,” John began, his voice smooth and confident. “Welcome back to Cosmic Curiosities, where we explore the strange, the curious, and the unexplained. Tonight, we’re talking about a recent viral sensation — an incident being called ‘The Tesla Fiasco.’ You’ve probably seen the video. A self-driving Tesla navigating what appear to be very... mundane obstacles. But was it the car malfunctioning, or perhaps... something else? With us tonight is the man behind the wheel, Larry.”
Larry sighed inwardly. He knew where this was headed. “Yeah, thanks for having me, John. Glad to be here,” he said, doing his best to sound polite.
John’s smile broadened, though his eyes still glimmered with doubt. “So, Larry, I think the question on everyone’s mind is — what exactly happened that day? From the video, it looks like your Tesla was... well, reacting to things in a rather extreme way. Can you walk us through it?”
Larry rubbed his temple, recalling the day that had turned his ordinary drive into internet infamy. “Yeah, well, it started off pretty normal. I was driving my wife to work, and the Tesla was doing its thing, full self-driving mode and all that. Nothing unusual.”
John leaned in, a hint of amusement in his expression. “And when did things start to go awry?”
Larry sighed. “Pretty much right away. The first sign was when the car freaked out over a plastic bag. Just a regular old plastic bag, blowing across the street. But the Tesla... it swerved, hard. I didn’t touch the wheel, but you’d think we were dodging an oncoming truck the way it overreacted.”
John raised an eyebrow, clearly not convinced. “A plastic bag, you say? Teslas are designed to handle such... minor obstacles. Could it be possible that you, perhaps, nudged the wheel? Even a small input can confuse the sensors.”
“Nope,” Larry said firmly. “No nudging. That bag just floated by, and the car flipped out. It was like watching it lose its mind over... nothing. My wife thought it was hilarious, but I was just sitting there, hoping it wouldn’t drive us into a ditch.”
John nodded slowly, but the skepticism was still there. “Hm. Odd. Teslas are known for their precise handling. And then there was the squirrel, right? That seemed to be another moment where the car... overreacted?”
Larry groaned. “Yeah, the squirrel. That was something else. The little guy ran across the road, and suddenly the Tesla’s screaming about evasive maneuvers. It swerved left, then right, like we were dodging missiles. And then it goes, ‘All threats neutralized.’ I thought for sure it ran the poor thing over.”
John chuckled softly. “And did it?”
“No,” Larry admitted. “The squirrel made it. But I wasn’t so sure I would. My wife had tears in her eyes from laughing so hard. Meanwhile, I’m gripping the seat, wondering what the car’s gonna freak out about next.”
John’s smile didn’t falter, but his tone held a note of doubt. “I’ve driven Teslas myself, Larry, and I have to say, I’ve never experienced anything quite like what you’re describing. Could it be, perhaps, that your driving style was confusing the sensors? Maybe a bit of... nervous energy?”
Larry narrowed his eyes, trying not to let his frustration show. “I wasn’t even holding the wheel, John. It was all the car. If anyone was nervous, it was the Tesla.”
John leaned back, still skeptical. “Interesting. Then there was the dog walker.”
Larry winced. “Oh yeah, the dog walker. So, we’re cruising along, and the car spots a woman walking her dog. Now, this dog is just sniffing a tree, minding its own business. But the Tesla starts flipping out. It’s saying something about the leash being ‘elastic’ and ‘unpredictable.’ And then, boom — it slows to a crawl, as if the dog’s about to lunge into the road and drag us all into chaos.”
John’s eyebrows lifted, clearly entertained. “I see. But the dog didn’t, I assume?”
“No, of course not. The dog was perfectly fine,” Larry said, shaking his head. “But the Tesla was acting like it was some kind of high-speed chase. My wife couldn’t stop laughing, and I’m just sitting there thinking, this car is out of its mind.”
John chuckled again but quickly regained his composure. “Hm. It sounds... unusual. But I must say, Teslas are known for their safety protocols. Perhaps it was just being extra cautious?”
Larry let out a deep breath, his patience thinning. “Yeah, ‘extra cautious’ is one way to put it. Then there was the old man with the cane.”
John’s curiosity piqued further. “The old man?”
Larry nodded. “Yep. So, we’re driving down this quiet street, and this old guy is crossing, using a cane. The car goes into full meltdown mode. It starts yelling, ‘Walking stick detected, initiating evasive protocol.’ I mean, the guy was barely moving, but the Tesla swerved so hard, it gave him a ten-foot clearance.”
John was visibly trying to suppress a smile. “And the old man...?”
“He just smiled and waved at us with his cane,” Larry said, deadpan. “And that’s when the car panicked again. It starts saying, ‘He’s waving the stick, must re-evaluate.’ I swear, I thought we were about to end up in the bushes.”
John laughed outright this time, though there was still a hint of disbelief. “Well, Larry, it sounds like quite the experience. But I must ask — do you think there’s a chance this was all just the AI being... overly protective? It did keep you safe, after all.”
“Safe from what?” Larry asked, exasperated. “Squirrels? Plastic bags? Old men with canes? Yeah, I guess it kept us safe from the real threats out there.”
John’s smile remained, but his tone softened just a little. “Well, Larry, you’ve certainly given us a lot to think about. Maybe it was just a quirky day for the AI. But thank you for coming on Cosmic Curiosities and sharing your story. I’m sure our listeners are just as intrigued as I am.”
Larry sighed, leaning back in his chair. “Yeah, John. Glad I could... clear things up.”
