During my last 3 years in High School, I had this belief that as long as I could break a term into simple words, I could understand it perfectly. It was a brilliant technique.
Whenever I wanted to study any subject (aside from Math), I would study with a dictionary. No matter how simple a word seemed, or how much I felt like I already understood it, I would break it down into tinier pieces in my head until I felt like I could explain it to a toddler. Safe to say I was one of the smartest kids in my school.
Image taken by me
I've tried to apply this same philosophy to my life as an adult. However, it's a whole lot harder than simply breaking down definitions. I've found that the same philosophy can work for our daily concepts in life but it takes intense thinking and visualisation.
For instance, I have a friend who would constantly ask me "What makes you happy?" It's a simple question, so simple in fact that I don't need a definition to explain the words for them to have meaning. However, the answer which I thought would be complex was also just as simple.
As an adult, I've spent a lot of my time chasing. I've chased after people, things, ideas and feelings. So the process of trying to pick apart every single one of these quests and trying to remember the feeling I attached to attaining them was tedious and mentally exhausting.
After silently pondering on that question for days, I realised that I was wasting my time when the answer was right in front of me. I realised that I derive happiness from simple pleasures that I enjoy alone and sometimes with the few people I love.
I'm happy when I eat my favourite meal, hear my favourite song and see a great movie. I know my heart is full because, at that moment, I'm not thinking about the next quest. I'm not bothered about the world and its numerous complications. I'm simply a girl living in a moment with a contented smile on her face.
I'm happy when I spend quality time with the people I love. In those moments, I don't have to be what I'm not. I don't have to talk fancy or think technically, I simply have to be.
Ever since I came to this conclusion and realisation, I realised that the things I've so desperately chased after haven't had as much of a hold on me as they used to. I still want for them and chase after them because I'm human but I don't feel as worthless as I used to when I can't get them when I want.
The first thing I needed to learn and accept were the things that made me happy that I could give to myself without the need for anyone else. As much as I love my loved ones, I know that I need to find happiness in their absence. It's unfair to have your entire happiness be tied to another person.
Haven known this, I accepted the simplest things that would always exist in the absence of everyone around me. Things I would always have the ability to give to myself if everything I chase after fails because happiness must always exist.
I've noticed several other instances where my concept of simplicity as a teenager has helped me greatly. I can't tell all the stories but it's a concept I live by. As long as I can break a meaning down into tiny bits, I can always understand it.
