The first time I ever heard the word jealousy, I had a negative feeling attached to it. This wasn’t because I wanted it to be that way, but because society had demonized it so much that even when I had become grown enough to think for myself, I never sat down to truly understand it. Well, not until recently.
Going back in time, the people around me often said that we are not supposed to harbour jealous feelings towards those we love, or else it’s all a fluke. Now that I understand how jealousy works, I find that statement illogical because, as human beings, we are bound to have various feelings, and jealousy is one of them.
Being jealous doesn’t make anyone a bad person. It all depends on how we handle it. For most people in relationships, I reckon that jealousy stems from a place of love. When we’re in love with someone, there’s this human instinct to want them all to ourselves and protect our relationship with them, which, on its own, signals that we truly do value them.
For example, I would feel jealous if I saw my lover doing all the things he does for me, for somebody else. That’s because I consider myself special, and I believe some things should only be done within the confines of a relationship. So, I would not expect anyone to think that I am wrong to feel jealous in such an instance.
However, I believe that jealousy can become harmful, depending on how we choose to handle it. It starts when we leave that feeling unattended to. That empty space has the potential to trigger many dangerous thoughts, and it ends when we eventually act on them. Jealousy can also lead to obsession, which is an underlying effect of being overly possessive of another human being or being too focused on other people’s lives. More often than not, this severs relationships, and that is why it is important to confront your feelings.
I handle jealousy by confronting my feelings. If I feel a certain kind of way and believe it has the potential to make me act out of character, I don’t hide it beneath the sheets. I tell the people involved how I feel and what might have triggered it. I realize that when people care about you, they will be committed to seeking a solution with you, including putting a pause on any action of theirs that triggers that feeling.
Something else that helps a lot is not making assumptions because sometimes we may be making things up in our heads before even having the facts of the situation making us jealous. So, shoving assumptions away makes it easier to handle jealousy.
I love to mention having high self-esteem, as that has helped me stop comparing my life with others and internalizing every action towards me. I try not to let certain things bother me because I believe they’re inconsequential in the long run.
What’s more important, though, is for every individual to understand that jealousy is not inherently bad and that it’s okay to have such feelings, but never to the point where we let them ruin our relationships, because only then does it become a problem.