The decision to birth kids or assume the role of a guardian in their lives is one I hold in high regard, and because of that, I strongly advocate that it should be done with more thoughtful consideration and intentionality. Unfortunately, many parents or adults who fill in that role have this at the bottom of their priority list. What appeals more to them is being called “Mum” or “Dad” to prove that they’re capable of biological reproduction and to exercise authority over another human being.
This reality breaks my heart every single time, and I often come across scenes that expose this dysfunction. Earlier today, I was at the clinic working when a little boy did something to upset his mother. If you’ve been around babies, you’ll realize how much they repeat the same thing even after being corrected. That’s children for you. Not understanding this part is the beginning of poor parenting.
I watched the mother beat the child to tears, and trust me, that was expected because hitting children isn’t considered a big deal in my part of the world. What I did not expect was to find the boy still crying an hour later. When I asked the patients in the waiting room, I learned that the mother refused to say sorry to the little boy despite their pleas.
This broke my heart again because I couldn’t fathom that a mother would leave her child to cry non-stop without feeling the urge to draw him closer for a hug. I mean, if one feels justified to hit a kid for doing something wrong, that should be their punishment already, right? So why watch them cry without trying to offer some form of comfort?
Thinking about this only made my views about parents stronger. A lot of them do not care about kids. They do not understand the emotional and psychological responsibility that comes with raising them, so it’s easy to feel nonchalance even when they see their children hurting. Many women are also constantly frustrated because they were sold a lie about motherhood being the best thing after a good meal. So experiencing the tough parts in real time makes it harder for them, and oftentimes, their defence mechanism is to channel that anger to the kids.
I genuinely blame our society for this because the dysfunction starts when people are made to believe that they are owed kids and being “Mum” and “Dad” is what makes a family complete. That’s why even those who aren’t ready to trudge the long path of parenthood fight tooth and nail to bear children that they cannot demonstrate a high level of love and care to. When you also try to correct them about their mode of parenting, you’re met with condescension or silence. What makes it worse is the fact that many have been taught to see parenting as full control and autonomy over a child’s rights, which makes it even worse when their children become adults.
Each time I try to think about this, I see more reasons why I would never have kids until I’m sure I'm capable of being more kind and loving to them than myself. I don’t wish for a world where I’m unable to feel the pain of the children around me to the point of ignorance, but people don’t give a damn, and I saw that happen today with that child.
It took a doctor to stop him from crying, and I wondered: are we truly creating a world where children can feel safe making mistakes without the fear of being hit? Are we teaching them the right reactions to an offense or we're encouraging them to emulate the poor behaviours that they often catch us exhibiting?
Well, this might as well be a rhetorical question or one that requires an answer only to self. But I guess anyone reading this now has something to think about for the week.
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