Disclaimer: Wrote this 4 years ago, I was 16.
Do you remember the time when we almost fell in love?
I can still vividly remember every detail; it keeps on playing like a broken record in my head. But I think I need to rephrase it; “Do you still remember the time when YOU almost fell in love, and I was already drowning 6-feet under the ground?”
Funny how you became my sweetest and favorite hello and my hardest goodbye, funny how I fell deep with your shallow jokes, funny how you became the mere reason why I can’t get sleep at midnight, funny how you just simply stood there but I am completely mesmerized, funny how I realized how much I love you and how you’ll never love me back, yeah it’s downright funny.
But I never thought I’d be feeling that genuine happiness in the short span of time you let me feel valued, important, special and somehow —loved. Or maybe it was just me, or the people around me but never you. I can hardly think of the reasons why I held on for a very long time, why I always see reasons to fight the already losing battle, why I never get tired of howling my heart out like a dying wolf. I have one reason in mind, maybe I was that in love, meh.
When I finally waved the white flag, surrendered the battle that had lost already even it has not started yet, I hoped that you’d come back, I hoped that you’ll realize what you’ve lost, even I know you’re not going to. It was painful, very painful that I thought I will never be mended, that I will not see life as it is again, but I was wrong. I learned to see myself as someone stronger, better and wiser; not the girl you left, not the girl you hurt, not the girl you messed up, not the girl you left at thin air, not the girl you gave false hopes and absolutely not the girl you broke.
It took me God-knows how long to finally accept everything, to finally embrace the cruelty of life’s reality. But acceptance doesn’t mean you never cross my mind, maybe it’s not as often as before but you still do. There are still days that I wonder how you are. Believe me I still do. I sometimes see myself strolling and revisiting the places where we had the best memories —well at least it is for me — and like it is the most righteous thing to do, I always draw a smile, a genuine one. You made a history in my life, you made me feel that roller coaster ride of emotions, you made me a whole better person, and with that I thank you for not loving me back, thank you.
Love,
The girl you almost loved