Third Spaces
We probably have fewer friends today than our grandparents did in their day. Studies show that we are becoming increasingly lonely and isolated from our surroundings.
Across many countries around the world, we are seeing friends less and less often and making fewer friends than we used to.
And one of the reasons most frequently cited in these studies is that we are lacking what Ray Oldenburg called “third places.”
In the 1980s, Oldenburg made a clear distinction between our “third space,” which refers to all the places where we meet and get to know people, outside of our homes or workplaces.
In our home—which corresponds to what the American urban sociologist refers to as the “first space”—we live with our relatives and those with whom we share our daily lives.
At work, our “second space,” we talk with our colleagues and attend meetings.
In both settings, therefore, there is a certain way we do things, act, speak, think, relate to one another, and even feel.
And obviously, we need these two spaces; they are important for establishing these connections.
We need a home and a family; we need work and our colleagues so that we can thrive and overcome a wide variety of difficulties and challenges, because it’s not possible to get through them alone, without help or support from the people around us.
But we also need a third space to see our friends.
We need a coffee shop, a library, a bookstore, or even a classroom, a movie theater, a playhouse, a museum… and so many other things beyond the two spaces we’ve already mentioned.
We need a place where we can exchange ideas with other people and step away a bit from the routine of our thoughts and actions, which are, in a way, heavily shaped by the two spaces closest to us—home and work.
The problem stems from the fact that, thanks to current technology and various political or social reasons, these third spaces are disappearing or becoming increasingly less important or even nonexistent.
Or, if we still frequent them, we often find ourselves staring at our cell phones, listening to a podcast, or our favorite Spotify playlist, and we don’t even try to communicate or “allow” others to communicate with us.
I can speak from personal experience: these days, when I go to the gym, I make a point of not bringing my wireless headphones or my cell phone with me when I head to the weight room. I’ve noticed that even though I know the people I run into during my workout—and even though I greet them—sometimes the conversation just doesn’t flow because I have my headphones on.
We use social media, games, text or voice messages, and the internet as substitutes, but they’re all inadequate.
We need to take the third spaces around us more seriously. We therefore need to engage with other people outside our homes or workplaces. It is only in these third spaces that we can develop the relationships we so desperately miss.
Loneliness also stems—and to a great extent—from our willingness to seek out these third spaces. We must not close ourselves off to our circles of friends and close acquaintances.
Image by mac231 from Pixabay
Source for this post: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ray_Oldenburg
Original text written by 