There is a big difference between true love and attachment.
Attachment exists when we cling to another person, object, or feeling. It’s when we become possessive and jealous of what we think we love.
It’s when we become possessive—and consequently jealous. And this comes into play when there isn’t any space between us and the other person, or when we allow that space to form. When we don’t give them the space they need.
Love, however, is something completely different.
There are three distinct elements to love.
First, there is kindness.
Kindness is the antidote to anger. But kindness isn’t the same as simply being nice to someone; rather, it’s seeing the other person in the best possible light.
If someone hurts you or makes you look bad, kindness does not immediately assume it was on purpose. If, on the other hand, someone makes a mistake, kindness will not assume it was intentional either.
Second, there is compassion.
Compassion is the true antidote to attachment. Attachment is clinging too much to someone. This will only make the other person feel trapped and restricted. But compassion exists when you give someone the space to make mistakes, to be imperfect… and to change. There is room for them to become someone we might not have expected—or even wanted them to be.
And third, there is bodhichitta.
Bodhichitta is the most powerful antidote to ignorance. Ignorance is trying to understand the world solely from one’s own point of view and doing nothing to try to see the world in a different way.
But bodhichitta sees things from a different perspective.
Bodhichitta is the perfect antidote to ignorance and arrogance. Ignorance consists of trying to understand the world exclusively and solely from one’s own point of view and doing nothing to try to see the world in a different way.
But bodhichitta sees things from a different perspective.
It sees the world through another person’s eyes and, in accordance with that person’s needs and experiences, views things from their perspective, offering us a new outlook and opening up horizons we had not previously glimpsed.
And so, the question of love really boils down to three questions.
Do I see the other person—whom I believe I love—in the best possible light?
Do I give them enough space, regardless of what I get in return?
And do I see—or do I try to see—things from their point of view?
Because love isn’t about clinging desperately to someone, refusing to let them go or keep them under our watchful eye, nor is it about seeking our own happiness through another person.
It’s about finding our own joy in the joy of another.
Image by Nehla Jafer from Pixabay
Original text written by 