It started this morning when I left my house.
I'd forgotten my shoes - and I'd locked myself out.
I was already late, and I couldn't wake Bob.
I'd anger my flatmate, and lose my damn job!
So I crept over stones 'til I got to my car
Then drove to the shoe shop (it wasn't that far)
Right outside the shop was a man with a cup
So I sat down beside him and asked him "what's up?"
"I'm homeless" he told me, "and I'm growing old...
I've got no coat to wear, and the weather is cold!"
So I took off my coat and passed it his way
Then went into the shop, found some shoes, went to pay.
"Oh no! Where's my wallet?" I cried, so bereft.
It was inside my coat... and the bum had now left.
So I ran down the street, shouting "no, wait, wait, NOO"
But I stepped on some glass and cut open my toe.
The blood started gushing right out of the cut
So I ripped off my t-shirt and wrapped up my foot.
I hobbled in pain, to find someone who'd help
Then bumped into a man who let out a loud YELP!
He'd been carrying cake, stuffed with candles - all lit.
As he dropped them, he set me on fire. Oh shit!
As my trousers went up in an unlikely blaze,
I whipped them right down, and ran off through the haze.
As I slowed to a walk, I looked round at the signs.
I'd made it to work - and I was just in time!
So boss, understand my predicament, mate.
Yes, maybe I'm naked. But at least I'm not late...
Big thanks to 