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Humpty Dumpty, London bridge is falling down, Jack and Jill...
What do all these have in common?
First of all, they are nursery rhymes.
Secondly, they are extremely weird nursery rhymes.
Don't understand?
Well take off your pants, grab a cup of hot chocolate and relax because in about to take on the arduous task of showing you exactly how strange nursery rhymes are.
Nursery rhymes were an essential part of our childhood. They are as important and entertaining to us as tiktok is to this generation.
For most of us, we had nursery rhymes native to our locations. Most of them were in our native languages or dialects, they were unique to our environments.
But there were still some classics that were known all over the world and it's these classes we're going to be treating today.
Now, one of the things I've noticed about kids is that they are dumb. So when it comes to analysing content, they are kinda hopeless.
And as kids, we didn't really care about the lyrics or the meaning, because we were either too dumb to notice or too unbothered to care about finding any meaning. All we wanted was the tunes and occasional dancing.
So when we listened to these nursery rhymes as kids, we didn't understand the weirdness/creepiness the lyrics entailed but now that we're all mostly adults, I took it upon myself to do what nobody sent me to do and actually analyze the lyrics and origins of some of these nursery rhymes and boy o boy, the things I saw were not pretty.
I felt disturbed, perturbed and quite frankly unsettled. So as a good fellow that I am, I have decided to share these feelings with all of you, so that we can all be traumatized together.
But enough foreplay, let's get right to it.
It's time for the breakdown.
The rhyme goes:
"Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again"
Humpty Dumpty originated in England and was first recorded in 1797. So it has been a long time that this guy has been falling and suffering.
Now there are many weird things about this short nursery rhyme but I think the weirdest thing of all is that in all the visual representation I've ever seen of this poem, Humpty Dumpty is always depicted as an egg.
But if you read the poem carefully, there is no place where it says Humpty Dumpty was an egg. So why do we always depict him as an egg?!
The rhyme just talks about a guy that was sitting on a wall and he fell (probably due to village people) and no one could help him.
How did egg come into play?
The theory I came up with is that the people making the visual mediums did not want to traumatize children by showing blood, guts and severed body parts so they made the guy an egg. A broken egg looks much better than a broken skull.
Another thing that bugs me about this poem is the second part.
"All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again."
Now I understand the king's men part, they are humans, they can help
But Horses?
HORSES?!!
What the hell are horses supposed to do?
The rhyme was like the horses couldn't put Humpty together again...
DUH!
THEY ARE HORSES!!!
Call a freaking doctor!
The final thing I'm going to be talking about that makes this nursery rhyme hella dark is the fact that it states they "couldn't put Humpty together again."
Soo...
Does that mean Humpty Dumpty died?
He's dead isn't he.
damn...
Rip Humpty.
Gone but not forgotten.
Forever remembered... as an egg.
The rhyme goes;
"Rock a bye baby, on the tree top,
When the wind blows the cradle will rock.
When the bough breaks the cradle will fall,
And down will come baby, cradle and all."
Rock a bye baby originated in the 18th century which explains a lot because the drug opium was also popular at that period.
Because why would a baby be on a tree in the first place?
Of all places...
A tree.
What if thunder strikes the tree?
Does this baby not have parents??
Were the parents high on opium???
What pisses me off the most about this is that it's meant to be a bedtime song.
So you're telling me your baby is trying to sleep and the best song you can sing is a song of a fellow baby that's falling down from a tree??
that baby probably died mehn..
If babies weren't dumb, I'm sure they'd be very offended by that song😑
It's like singing a song about a plane crash to a pilot.
The rhyme goes:
"Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after."
Basically, jack broke his head,
and Jill fell down after him.
...
So they both died.
What's it with all these nursery rhymes and people dying??
and that's not even the weirdest thing about this rhyme.
The weirdest thing is that it's based on a French king and his wife. they were convicted of treason and killed...
So yeah...
Good thing kids are dumb.
I wanted to treat more nursery rhymes but I think that's enough of being creeped out today.
Dear readers, I do hope you learnt something new today, because I did, and I think I'm a bit scarred.
Anyhoo, next time you're singing a nursery rhyme to a kid, know that it probably has a dark and creepy meaning.
Thank you for reading.
Stay buzzing,
Maximus ✍🏾
