I woke in the middle of the night after speaking up to another about how I saw things and I had bitten my tongue so badly it was bleeding and I started to swallow blood. It was a massive wake up call to me, because there has been a couple of occasions this week, where I was told ‘it was the wrong thing to say’ so I had woken myself in pain of literally biting my own tongue.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief within and as me that I am right in my words and for a moment have a self righteousness within me and express that to and towards another.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an energetic reaction and worry that I have then said or done ‘the wrong thing’ in my minds eye, and want to take back my words in a form of regret.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as wrong or not in a position to speak up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being reprimanded by another of saying the wrong thing and that within this I will not be accepted or liked.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief that I have accepted and allowed myself to be silenced by others and their opinion of me as I see it in my minds eye.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief that I have to literally bite my tongue, without seeing/realising and understanding how I am setting limitations on myself by believing that I am going to say something in a righteous way towards another and within this it is likely that I will upset them, so I create a starting point of fear within me.
I forgive myself that I haven’t seen/realised and understood how I am ‘speaking up’ in a way to be heard, to get some kind of attention from another and then within this and when I don’t get a reaction I would like, I take my words back into myself and wish I hadn’t spoken up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief within me that I need attention from others in a form of back up so that I have people on side as I see it in my minds eye.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief within and as me that I need back up and agreement from others and then within this I see/realise and understand how I have always looked to others for guidance on how to behave to get the best response. Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a version of myself on how others see me, and within this I now see/realise and understand how I can never live up to everyone’s version of me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself enough, in that I look outside of myself in a form of competition, where I will set limitations for myself based on how I believe I need to be seen, in a given moment.
I forgive myself that I haven’t seen/realised and understood how I have been living my life as someone that is lost, as someone that almost doesn’t exist as an expression of myself, because I have been waiting for acceptance from others. I also forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create diversion tactics in a way to not have to face myself and within this I have created myself as someone that doesn’t matter, where what I say doesn’t count in someway.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become fearful of facing myself within my own words because I won’t like what I have become as I see it, and therefore within this I created myself as someone that distracts myself with another’s problems.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within a program of inferiority and because of this any expression is based on this premise - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to punish myself within this inferiority and in so doing I create a belief that I am deserving of it in someway. I see/ realise and understand how my own reactions are sometimes based on
my own fear reaction of how I see something and within this at this point my stance is not clear when I communicate.
I forgive myself that I haven’t seen/realised and understood how I have been allowing myself to doubt myself and how I communicate and express myself and within this not have a clearly defined purpose of who I am in every moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have conflict within me about who I am, because I have been doubting myself and who I am in expression of myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be real, genuine because I am in fear of how I might be viewed by others.
Instead I commit myself to breathe and clear myself within the breath, by slowing myself down and becoming aware of myself within thought word and deed.
I commit myself to redefine the word righteousness through walking my process and accessesing who I am in each moment. I commit myself to stop judging my words, I commit myself to express myself without fear of reprimand, through clearing my starting point of who I am within the words I speak, through forgiveness and believing in myself and my own expression.
I commit myself to remind myself that; whenever I have a thought about myself that is steeped in fear or trepidation - I stop and I breathe and I bring myself here, by really looking at who I am
In this moment and I ask myself if I am being real/ honest about how I want to express myself and if I am not I correct it in the moment, by breathing and forgiving and letting the reaction go.
I commit myself to redefine the word righteousness to an acceptance and allowance of my own righteousness; in that I am acceptable and I am right in my words and my words are acceptable to me, and provided that I stand equal and one with my words within a point of best for all then I am righteous in who I am in all moments.
I commit myself to stop and breathe before I communicate and I assess who I am in these moments, I commit myself to live the words SELF righteousness in a way that is best for me and within this best for all.