Biting my tongue

For as long as I can remember I have been the kind of person to worry about my words, how they may effect others and how speaking up was not an option for me. This is until fairly recently, where through my process of introspection and forgive ness I have regained my voice, to the point where I sometimes speak without much regard - or do I? Is this me actually speaking up for myself or am I being self righteous? Righteousness is a word that comes up when I start to look at this point.

I woke in the middle of the night after speaking up to another about how I saw things and I had bitten my tongue so badly it was bleeding and I started to swallow blood. It was a massive wake up call to me, because there has been a couple of occasions this week, where I was told ‘it was the wrong thing to say’ so I had woken myself in pain of literally biting my own tongue.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief within and as me that I am right in my words and for a moment have a self righteousness within me and express that to and towards another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an energetic reaction and worry that I have then said or done ‘the wrong thing’ in my minds eye, and want to take back my words in a form of regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as wrong or not in a position to speak up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being reprimanded by another of saying the wrong thing and that within this I will not be accepted or liked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief that I have accepted and allowed myself to be silenced by others and their opinion of me as I see it in my minds eye.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief that I have to literally bite my tongue, without seeing/realising and understanding how I am setting limitations on myself by believing that I am going to say something in a righteous way towards another and within this it is likely that I will upset them, so I create a starting point of fear within me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t seen/realised and understood how I am ‘speaking up’ in a way to be heard, to get some kind of attention from another and then within this and when I don’t get a reaction I would like, I take my words back into myself and wish I hadn’t spoken up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief within me that I need attention from others in a form of back up so that I have people on side as I see it in my minds eye.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief within and as me that I need back up and agreement from others and then within this I see/realise and understand how I have always looked to others for guidance on how to behave to get the best response. Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a version of myself on how others see me, and within this I now see/realise and understand how I can never live up to everyone’s version of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself enough, in that I look outside of myself in a form of competition, where I will set limitations for myself based on how I believe I need to be seen, in a given moment.

I forgive myself that I haven’t seen/realised and understood how I have been living my life as someone that is lost, as someone that almost doesn’t exist as an expression of myself, because I have been waiting for acceptance from others. I also forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create diversion tactics in a way to not have to face myself and within this I have created myself as someone that doesn’t matter, where what I say doesn’t count in someway.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become fearful of facing myself within my own words because I won’t like what I have become as I see it, and therefore within this I created myself as someone that distracts myself with another’s problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within a program of inferiority and because of this any expression is based on this premise - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to punish myself within this inferiority and in so doing I create a belief that I am deserving of it in someway. I see/ realise and understand how my own reactions are sometimes based on
my own fear reaction of how I see something and within this at this point my stance is not clear when I communicate.

I forgive myself that I haven’t seen/realised and understood how I have been allowing myself to doubt myself and how I communicate and express myself and within this not have a clearly defined purpose of who I am in every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have conflict within me about who I am, because I have been doubting myself and who I am in expression of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be real, genuine because I am in fear of how I might be viewed by others.

Instead I commit myself to breathe and clear myself within the breath, by slowing myself down and becoming aware of myself within thought word and deed.

I commit myself to redefine the word righteousness through walking my process and accessesing who I am in each moment. I commit myself to stop judging my words, I commit myself to express myself without fear of reprimand, through clearing my starting point of who I am within the words I speak, through forgiveness and believing in myself and my own expression.

I commit myself to remind myself that; whenever I have a thought about myself that is steeped in fear or trepidation - I stop and I breathe and I bring myself here, by really looking at who I am
In this moment and I ask myself if I am being real/ honest about how I want to express myself and if I am not I correct it in the moment, by breathing and forgiving and letting the reaction go.

I commit myself to redefine the word righteousness to an acceptance and allowance of my own righteousness; in that I am acceptable and I am right in my words and my words are acceptable to me, and provided that I stand equal and one with my words within a point of best for all then I am righteous in who I am in all moments.

I commit myself to stop and breathe before I communicate and I assess who I am in these moments, I commit myself to live the words SELF righteousness in a way that is best for me and within this best for all.