Image caption: I took this pic of a passing storm. The rain poured down for all of 2 minutes and the cloud slowly drifted away taking with it my joy…
If I could travel through time, I would go to the future.
Not because I am fearless.
Because I am tired of guessing.
Have you ever just slumped back in your chair, or in the innermost parts of your soul, and sighed,
“I’m tired.”
Or worse,
“I’m sick and tired of…”
This week I wished for a ticket to the past.
To fix those mistakes that brought me here.
You know the voice.
“Girl, if only you did that.”
“Girl, if only you didn’t.”
People think time travel is for big things.
To fix history.
To erase regret.
To become rich.
And yes…
If I went to the future, I would probably play the lottery.
I would win. Properly.
Not that two numbers and a free ticket nonsense. :)
Ooooooooh…. I would write the numbers down.
Fold the paper carefully.
Hide it somewhere safe.
Then, I would be so careful hiding it
that I would forget where I put it.
Because that is also part of my story.
But the truth is, the past would pull first.
The past is where my grandmother lives.
The woman who raised me.
The woman who made a home out of ordinary things.
I still see her hands.
Strong hands.
Hands that washed clothes and wiped tears and cooked food that could stretch when money could not.
If I went back, I know what I would do.
I would sit at her feet without rushing.
I would stop acting like time was unlimited.
I would hug her longer.
Not the quick hug.
The one that says, I know. I see. Thank you.
I would tell her what I did not know how to say then.
You did not just raise a child.
You raised a whole future.
And yes, I would probably cry.
Then she would laugh.
Because she would look at me and say,
“So. You travelled through time and you still do not have a husband?”
Or she would ask,
“Are you eating properly?”
Because in her world, love was measured in food.
The past has lessons.
It holds the people we miss.
It holds the mistakes that shaped us.
It holds the regrets that visit when the house is quiet.
But the future… the future, my friends, has answers.
Did I become the woman she was building?
Did I learn to rest without guilt?
Did I stop carrying everything alone as proof I am strong?
Did I build a life that feels soft on the inside, even when the world is hard?
And
The
World
Is
Hard
And once I have been to the future, I would return with a few things.
Patience.
Courage.
A quiet kind of certainty.
And yes, the winning lottery numbers.
Because grief is real.
Bills are real.
And when you are the only one left to make things happen for yourself,
it sure would be nice to breathe.
My confession is this.
I want to use the time I have better.
I would come back from the future and live today differently.
I would hug longer.
Speak sooner.
Love people while they are still here.
Because I wonder.
I wonder what my grandmother already knew that I am still learning.
I wonder what future me has forgiven.
I wonder what she chose, when nobody was watching.
