Let me preference this by saying that this is a journal entry that I typed up in an app one morning before getting up. I was having a dialogue with myself and this is my raw, unscripted thoughts:
Let's redefine self care. If you need self care goals or activities....you're doing it wrong. Now I hate telling anybody they are doing anything wrong so let me rephrase that statement. If you feel the need to do a specific activity in order to deal with other things in life...then you may want to reevaluate what you are doing.
The whole concept of sacrifice is....dumb. No one sacrifices...
If you say "oh I made a sacrifice so that..." that's bullshit because at the end of the day you did what you did for YOU. No one does anything without benefiting from it themselves first. We are naturally wired to move towards life energy. Just like that sperm swims vigorously to be the first to fertilize the egg, you move vigorously towards anything that benefits you in some way shape or form.
So now then the idea of self-care is null and void because everything you do...you do for you.
Because you care for you.
That's not selfish and that's not wrong. It's foundational.
You know the saying, "You can't pour from an empty cup." So then, you MUST have an INCOME before there can be an outcome.
So now with this new lense let's review those goals you said you wanted to reach.
What's your income?
What's the functional reason you want to reach that goal?
But first, let me tell you what's not functional from my own life experience. Doing a job because "I have to put food on the table."
Before we go any further, let's define functional shall we?
To function is not just something that works. Think about it....the first three letters spell "fun". If you look at the etymology of the word it's source comes from the word meaning "to benefit" and it's related to the word meaning "to enjoy".
So is "doing a job because I have to..." functional?
Nope.
So back to those goals.
Income? Function?
How does this action benefit you? How does this action benefit me?
How does this action benefit self?
We're NOT talking about chain reactions here.
( ie I'm doing this so that I can get this and be able to get that.)
NO CHAIN REACTIONS.
Why are you doing this act in this very moment? Why are you up at 5 in the morning typing this out on your phone? Why do you want to have a blog?
Again NO CHAIN REACTIONS!
Why is this blog benefiting you NOW!
WHY AND HOW IS WHAT YOU ARE DOING BENEFITING YOU NOW?!
There's no such thing as tomorrow or yesterday. There's only NOW. So if you are doing any action because you want some type of chain reaction....you effed up and you're on the wrong side of the tracks.
The act of doing the thing should benefit you NOW in some way, shape or form.
FIND IT!
Otherwise you are not living. Every moment is a moment to live. Choose Life! Stop doing things because someone else said you should or that it would benefit you.
They don't know what benefits you. ONLY YOU DO!
So now why are you doing this project? Why are you acting this way? Why won't this idea leave you alone?
Whatever you do benefits you in some way. It must benefit you in some way.
But if it's all about now, why have goals?
Precisely.
Goals....glorified objectives acting like saviors.
As if some objective gives you meaning in this life.
Fuck Off
No goal can save you. The very etymology of the word means to hinder. Why would you want to put something in your life that hinders you?
Shit.
So then why are you doing the act itself? Your goal is not the goal.
I want to share.
Why....no....still chain reactions....still relying on someone to recieve...
I want to document my own journey and changes and have a place to review those changes as I do them. Paper and journals won't cut it because they get lost and are physical objects that can be destroyed. I want to have a permanent footprint...something or someplace where I can document things like this and come back to it as a reminder. I then become my own library.
Wait I remember thinking about the scripture....what does all of this have to do with that scripture?
Matthew 6:25-34?
The initial thought before I was able to open my phone and start typing was that "you're not lonely, you stand alone."
The feedback is complete...the outcome is done. YHWH already knows because YHWH is a life force that gravitate towards life. Your concern isn't the outcome....the food you eat, the clothes you wear. The concern is the income...the Kingdom of YHWH and his righteousness.
Stand alone....stand in the truth. Stand with the truth...the inspired actions. You stand alone because all your needs gravitate towards you naturally.
Follow the nudges. "In righteousness" is not in laws like man made of what you can and can't do. It's making way for the energy within. Follow the nudges. Remember energy can neither be created nor destroyed.
EVERYTHING must benefit you because YHWH exists within you. That is why even when you come into contact with what you would define as "trials and tribulations" you can sit in YHWH'S presence and be content because it all benefits you in the end anyway.
So it all must benefit you....it all must BE FOR YOU....even if others can't see how it benefits me...it all must benefit me because my very existence can neither be created nor destroyed. I'm just passing through.
This is not prosperity this is life. You're not here to get anything...you're literally here to experience everything. Again fuck the goals, fuck the outcomes.
When you do anything you are benefiting your soul....you're benefiting the energy within. So you decided to get up in the morning because you have the energy to rise. You decided to start a blog because you have energy inside that needs to be released...thus you want to document the things your going through and create stuff.
The feedback is an afterthought. It's impartial. It doesn't matter....you have an energy that needs to be expressed. Decide how it will be expressed and all the other things will be added unto you.
But here’s the kicker:
You do everything for you, but nothing is for yourself.
