At times, we don't need to be told some things directly, we can observe and receive the message that is being conveyed either from one's countenance, silence or cold responses. We need to know when to call a stop, when all our efforts to correct another for a better change in life seems to fall on deaf ears.
I have written previously about how people approach me for advice and how some people have become better through my advice and positive talks, but in this post, I bring to you something different, a really different direction.
I thought I had no situation when I was directly told,... "don't tell me what to do"! But after some reflections, I found out there was, well, not verbatim. One thing I realised is that, I corrected the guy involved at the peak of his anger which led to the reaction, even though I spoke gently.
Back then in school, my university days, I had 2 lodge mates (siblings) who lived together, the guy is older than his sister, they are family friends and we helped each other then.
Initially, I realised how timid and overly careful she was but I couldn't point out why. My younger sister was my room mate then and so she was close friends with her and still is. One day, my sister asked me if I had seen him talk to his sister when he's angry or when she did something wrong, my response was, "no". She went ahead to tell me that she didn't like how he spoke to her in her presence. Well, I didn't take it serious, I mean, I wasn't present and maybe that's just how they relate as siblings,... so I thought.
So, in the logde there were two rooms I went to for movies, to pass time or for group singing of which the siblings' room was one of them. While I was seeing a movie in their room, I noticed there was a misunderstanding between them and the next thing I heard from him was, "you don't have sense, is like something is wrong with your head, and he went on and on", his sister has a gentle voice and was trying to explain to him but he shut her up harshly. I kept quiet and continued seeing the movie.
When they were calm, she asked me if my sister was around so that she could visit her, so, I gave a positive response and she went. She was fond of my sister and always sought for consolation from her.
So, I asked her brother why he spoke to her that way, I told him that he could have been gentle with his words and corrected her with love. I told him how it could affect her negatively and reduce her self-esteem, he claimed that if he didn't talk to her that way, she won't hear. Well, I left him.
I observed the second time he did it, this time around it was at the passage close to my room and I could hear their arguments, I didn't come out or ask him afterwards.
The third time was when she made a mistake in cooking their food, she was apologising and trying to explain but he kept on, and she got angry and was almost crying, and then she left for my room. I spoke to him to be careful with the way he corrected her, that she might also develop fear for him and be often confused. Then he said, "Winifred, you won't tell how to treat my sister".
Well, that was the last time I spoke him about it and called a stop to the advice.
You see, advising someone in a heated situation is like increasing the heat of that situation, it's better to talk to the person after he or she must have done some breathing to ease off the tension. But then, the tone in which the message is passed is important and should be considered in order to penetrate the person for a positive change in life.
So, yes, there sure was a time I was called to a halt on my piece of advice.
This is my response to the prompt for the Thinker's Corner Contest Week 3 initiated by
Dont tell me what to do!
Thank you friends for taking time to read my blog.
YOUR UPVOTES AND ENGAGEMENT ARE HIGHLY APPRECIATED.
SEE YOU AGAIN IN MY NEXT POST.
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