So I was having a random discussion with a friend and we were discussing relationships. I was debunking the theory of ‘the perfect one’ as I was of the opinion that any relationship could work if the two partners were committed to making it work and shared the same values. My friend agreed that the big things were important, but that it was actually the small things that could actually be a big deal for some relationships, and gave an example of a friend who couldn’t last with any lady if she refused to take a shower every night before she dropped off to sleep. What if the girl has spent the whole day in traffic and all she wants to do is get out of her work clothes, take off her heels and sleep? Can't there be a compromise on such an issue? I could understand if the girl was a total slob and the guy was a neat freak, but breaking up with a girl because she didn’t take a shower every night before going to sleep? I felt that was going overboard. But like a friend would say:"To each his own."
When another guy said: “Look if she hasn’t watched any of the Star wars movies, nope, sorry.” Then I knew I had heard it all. Anyway, that discussion made me go to town and try to find out what exactly the deal breakers are. So ladies, if you are wondering why that guy suddenly broke up with you for no reason, it may be advisable to take a look at some of these points.
Here are some of the major deal breakers guys talked about:
Cheating:
This is the number one deal breaker. As long as you have made it clear to each other that you are in an exclusive relationship, finding intimacy with another guy whether emotional or physical is one thing guys can’t seem to accept all over the world. Almost nine times out of ten, he’d up and leave. Forget the fact that he’s had his own share of side flings. Men love exclusivity when it comes to their women.
Sexual history
Uh in Nigeria, there are definitely a lot of changes taking place. People are not as conservative as they used to be. Things like sex are actually being discussed openly everyday among young people. However a lot of Nigerian men still find it difficult to accept women with a colorful sexual history. It’s just a fact. That’s why many girls sometimes decide to take those secrets with them to the grave and some are successful in that regard. I really think it’s much safer though(for both men and women) to leave that part of your life unexplored until you are in the right and safe environment for it, which is marriage.
Flirting with other guys
It’s ok to be friends with your boyfriend’s male friends but you need to be careful about anything that could be misconstrued as flirting. So laugh at the guys jokes, but not too much. Avoid touching his arm for instance. Keep your distance and make it clear that you are with the other guy no matter the amount of sizzling chemistry between you both. You don’t want to give your beau the wrong impression.
Family history
As a friend put it: ‘No one wants to be with the crazies.’ At first, I didn’t really understand what he meant but then I thought about it for a bit. We are all products of the environment we grew up in and they can affect us adversely or positively in one way or the other. He said he is somewhat wary of a good girl who comes from a family riddled with abusive or violent people. In one way or the other, her environment was bound to affect her. Another said he was wary of girls who came from single parent homes. While I personally believe that you shouldn’t judge people solely based on where they’re from, I think it’s important to realize that they may have some issues based on their family background. What makes the difference in relationships like these is whether the other partner can cope with those issues and, whether the two of them can work through or are willing to work through those issues or not.
Lying
Funny thing is, although guys generally are masters at deception, they can’t stand it when their lady lies and then they later find out about it, especially when it’s a continuous pattern of behavior. In essence, you are telling them they can’t trust you. No one wants to be with someone they can’t trust.
Constant criticism
Of course we all know that men are egocentric beings so they find it more difficult to withstand a verbal bashing. But imagine them being exposed to that kind of bashing day after day. After a while they will scream that they can’t take it anymore.
7.Lack of Ambition/Too much ambition
Gone were the days when women sat at home making babies and men went out to work. The economy just doesn’t call for that anymore. So for most working class men, they really don’t want to waste time with someone who can’t contribute financially or has no idea of where she’s going or what she wants to do. On the other hand, they can’t deal with someone whose ambitious drive doesn’t give them time to be with their family and carry out the traditional roles of wife and mother. Many men don’t make good househusbands. So the trick ladies, is in the balancing.
8.Lack of housekeeping skills
Remember what I said about the shower? Although not all men insist on that, a lot still have their own fantasies of what constitutes good housekeeping skills. Forget the fact that you went to his house last week and you saw week old plates in the kitchen sink. They just hold you to a higher standard. So for most dudes, you must be willing and able to wash and cook and clean and keep tidy both your person and your residential quarters.
9.Nagging
This has been said to be the number one sin of women all over the world. I tried to do a little research on nagging and this is what I came up with. Nagging can be defined as the ability to annoy someone by constantly scolding, complaining or urging. Someone explained nagging thus: “You can say it in a number of different ways, but when you say it in a number of different ways over and over again, that constitutes nagging.”(Michelle Weiner Davis). So ladies, men don’t appreciate our harping on something again and again. Once we’ve said it twice or thrice, then we need to let it go. They will get it eventually with our love and patience (lol. we pray so). FYI, men nag too and it’s also a deal breaker for a lot of women.
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This is not an exhaustive list but for the most part it covers a lot of the things men feel they cannot cope with. Other things men mentioned as deal breakers were a lady who is haughty, argumentative, boring or can’t move on from her past. Still others talked about the other person not loving pets, or not being able to put their phone down.
Relationships like many other things in life works on a balancing mechanism. As a person you must be able to look at the pros and cons of the relationship. Yes, this person has these flaws but do their good points trump the bad ones? Because ladies and gentlemen, at the end of the day what we are all looking for is love and acceptance and we must be willing to give it if we want to get it.
