“What is going to happen today? Will I be able to handle it? I need to find a job. What if I run out of money? Are my friends and family okay? I haven’t called them in awhile. What kind of son am I? Did I say something wrong yesterday? I should get out more, exercise more, be more like others. Why don’t I write more and do more art? What is wrong with me?”
It’s hard to go through life with these thoughts going through your head sometimes. It becomes hard to get even the little things done because all your energy is used up by this constant, anxious worrying. The feeling that any moment something horrible will happen. Scanning for threats where none exist. I feel irritable and angry at times.
So less and less gets done. I stay in more. I don't see as many people. Focusing on news in the world makes things worse. My mood drops even lower. I have been through this many times. I know it will pass.
A new week begins and the feeling lifts. I see more people. The isolation and terror lift. I feel less rigid and fearful. I do more and accomplish more. I feel I can handle the Christmas holidays and the social stuff now. Hoping that this positive period will last longer this time. There is always hope.
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