I return to the work, after spending too long trying to force something from it and feeling the familiar disappointment arriving where I started,
I return to the work, carrying the frustration of caring about what I am making while wondering if I have lost the feeling that made me begin,
I return to the work, I do not want one difficult stretch to convince me the idea has nothing left to give but simply become too familiar with how I approach it,
I return to the work, have I tried so hard to make this better that I have forgotten how to be curious with what interest me the most,
I return to the work, I begin to wonder whether I need a different way of engaging with it rather than another demand for progress…
I make the task smaller, the thought of finishing everything has become so heavy that even the daily work feels like too far I still have to go,
I make the task smaller, staying with one task, one decision instead of measuring the distance between what exists and what I want to finish,
I make the task smaller, even when part of me feels embarrassed that something once imagined needs to be reduced to something manageable,
I make the task smaller, can I let one honest attempt be enough without turning it into another reason to judge how slowly I am moving,
I make the task smaller, I discover that what once looked like a mountain was sometimes only a series of small things I had been trying to hold in my hands all at once…
I change how I approach it, moving something, changing the place or time, and shifting the conditions that have made every attempt feel the same,
I change how I approach it, persistence can become another kind of avoidance when I refuse to question whether my method still serves the work,
I change how I approach it, uncertain whether a small adjustment will help but staying the same has not created the movement I keep asking for,
I change how I approach it, what have I been repeating simply because it is familiar even though I know it is no longer bringing me closer to what I imagine to make,
I change how I approach it, and I give myself permission to step away from the familiar way of doing things, than fearing is also like staying trapped in a pattern that keeps asking for the same…
I remove the pressure, giving myself room to experiment without deciding whether it deserves a place in the initially imagined work,
I remove the pressure, when every small exercise must prove its value before I begin, curiosity retreats behind the fear of wasting time or making something imperfect,
I remove the pressure, allowing strange ideas and awkward beginnings to exist long enough to reveal what careful planning could not reach,
I remove the pressure, can I try something without immediately asking whether it will work, whether it is useful, or whether anyone will understand why I even made it,
I remove the pressure, I begin to feel the difference between making something happen and giving something room to naturally happen…
Watchwords:
A different way of meeting it
One honest attempt
The conditions that have made
Uncertainty begins to feel better
Giving something room to happen
Here is Tikatarot, who dares you to answer the question, “Who am I?”..
As and will always be reminding you to dream: