Woke up today, puked up dinner from last night like usual.
Vice grip pain at base of skull really turned on full force today! Feels like someone is drilling in my skull. My whole body is tense as a rock, literally.
Made myself eat an english muffin. Took some kratom, but its crapy kind, so barely did anything. Thoughts circled for hours on the same gloomy bullshit. I miss life/living so much.
Smoked a 1000 cigarettes. Hot shower. Massaged neck. Put muscle cream on. Stretched. Benadryl, tylenol. Nothing helped.
Now 3pm-ish, not one second of relief. I need some muscle relaxers @ minimum but my primary care dr wont give them without me coming in, charging me $250 just for the same ol bullshit. What a piece of shit doctor. Ive lost so much respect for the medical community besides a chosen few. Fucking piece of shit doctors. Assholes. Evil money hungry non caring fucktards.
Cant take it anymore made myself go to store and buy beer. Not good for my stomach but at least i will get hair of relief. I fucking hate it.
Havent shaved for months. Luckily my convenient store people know my story and dont judge me. I can walk in there looking like a zombie and they treat me so well, very understanding.
Really pissed off about things like evil, suffering and health issues us humans are forced to endure. I will hold my tongue on how I really feel. Thanksgod