Do you enjoy food from countries that are not your own?
Yes, I am American. If it’s not beans, corn, or squash, it probably didn’t originate here.
When you prepare salad for yourself, do you rip your greens (lettuce, spinach, &c…), or do you cut them?
I rip em.
There’s a saying that goes: “Life is short, eat dessert first.” What do you think of that advice?
That’s solid advice. Especially when dinner’s an hour from done.
Have you ever thrown spaghetti against the wall to test for doneness? — If it sticks, it’s done (so they say) — What other such kitchen habits might you have?
Yes, that is the way. When it’s really busy around here, sometimes the spaghetti hangs on, like that one dead spider in the bathroom corner.
How often do you eat fish?
As much as possible.
When purchasing food for yourself, do you check the nutritional label? If so, what are you checking for?
No, I don’t much look at the nutrition label, but I look at ingredients. I have to check everything for red dyes. It’s not as simple as you think: red dye hides in shit like green spinach wraps. No lie.
How often do you eat salad as a meal?
Usually once a week, usually Monday.
Do you have any food quirks? For example: do you arrange a particular food in a certain way before eating? Or eat certain foods in a particular way every time? (i.e.: bite the heads off of gummy bears)
Yes, of course. I am persnickety. Yes. It’s important that the cheese does not touch the mayo. The preserves do not get spread atop the peanut butter. The sugar goes on after the milk. The cream goes in before the coffee. We don’t have time for the entire list.
When boiling water for pasta or whatnot, what are your “tricks” for keeping the water from boiling over?
Sometimes a wooden spoon will do the trick. Usually a bigger pot is a better idea.
Are there any recipes that have been passed down through the generations in your family? Have you passed them to anyone outside of your family? or are they a closely guarded secret?
I share a lot of recipes (Not Here) but a few are sacred, because people fuck shit up and then they carry their bowl of fucked up shit out into a crowd and say, “I made Joey’s —-” and I cannot even with that. Don’t disgrace my grandmother like that. A pox on your goat.
In general, how do you feel about “diet” foods? Meaning: foods with artificial sweeteners or alternative fats in them. For example: Diet soda or low fat muffins.
Diet soda is surely my friend, but a friend I can only visit with once a day, for she will give me migraines. Otherwise, I avoid the fake stuff. Do you know what they take out with the bad stuff? Do you know what bad stuff they add to the good stuff? Why the hell would I want a low fat muffin?!?
Have you purchased food online? What do you think about that idea?
I have. I order quite a bit online. Sometimes when we’re ultra lazy on a Sunday, we’ll even order perishables and have them delivered so we can cook what we like. It’s wonderful.
When cooking for you and yours, what kinds of experiments have you tried?
I don’t think of cooking as an experiment. Moo made slime in the kitchen, does that count? Oh, I once boiled red cabbage!
Do you now, or have you ever, grown or raised any of the food you eat?
Yes. It is good. Do that. Garden tomatoes and fresh herbs, mmm!
Are you a vegetarian? If not, has the idea of becoming one ever crossed your mind?
I was a vegetarian from like 1995 to 2002. I ate no land animals and I still don’t eat much in that category. My body likes fish and eggs and dairy, but it doesn’t like meat so much. When I do eat meat, I generally eat toddler size portions. My dog loves me.
When arranging the food on your plate, does everything have to be separated, or is it okay for your food to touch?
It doesn’t matter. It can touch. Some of it should touch.
When eating out, what foods on the menu might push you out of your comfort zone? (for example: pineapple on pizza makes some people twitch)
I do not have this, although corn in a cup did incite my rage. I don’t want pineapple on my pizza, but I’ve had it and it’s not awful. You know those lists about picky eaters? I eat all the things. The thing on the list I like the least? Nutella. Still, I’ll eat it.
Lettuse, y’all.
Do you have a sweet tooth? If so, what kinds of foods generally satisfy the craving?
Ice cream is my thing. Gummi Bears. Orange slices. Tootsie Rolls. I prefer to drink my sweets. I have a soda addiction. It has been 2 days since my last drink.
What foods (if any) do you like to mix that other people might find strange?
Like I care. I like a plate of foods, like cheese and olives with a cuppa coffee. Or a plate with boiled eggs, figs, and walnuts. Some people think it’s odd. I just like to eat what I like.
When eating out, at what kind of restaurant do you prefer to dine?
Seafood. But let’s be honest, if I’m not planning the menu, shopping for it, cooking it, or cleaning up after it, I’m pleased. Unless I cook it better. I hate that.
In general, how do you feel about organic food?
I feel good about it, but not all organic is equal and not all organic is worth the price. Pick your battles. Grow what you can.
What foods (if any) do you eat when you are happy or unhappy?
Ice cream is the answer. Ice cream is magical food, delicious in both joy and sorrow.
