Sometimes for no good reason I just want to curl up into a tight ball and sleep. I have to drag myself into action but drag I must.

Terrible feelings wash over me, heavy and unkind. I know I am hurting myself and yet I don't feel like I have any control over the matter. I see what I see and feel how I feel. No amount of telling myself (or others telling me) otherwise changes it.

The onset of Autumn and frost has a way of sending me into a dark place for a little while. Perhaps it's the darkening of the days or the sight of everything turning crunchy and brown. This is the season where things begin to fade, decompose, sink back into the earth or go dormant. It is such a beautiful time of year, so many miracles and things to marvel at and yet I am quietly screaming.

Rather than shutting off my brain and hiding away beneath the covers as I used to do, I am learning to open myself to whatever life brings.

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

— Jellaludin Rumi,

@trucklife-family said something to me that I've been carrying in my heart as I work through this tricky time. She has written a beautiful post titled: Earth Deeds- What I am Doing To Be Of Service To The Earthwhere she talks about celebrating the seasons, by creating beautiful rituals that involve both adults and children. You should read it.

I told @trucklife-family that I was struggling and I received the most encouraging, uplifting reply. A true gift of words and meaning.

just remember this is our time to begin our journey inwards too, to nurture ourselves and plant our seeds so that come spring they will be ready to be brought to life xxx

Being able to share openly and having a tribe to connect with IS CHANGING MY LIFE! I've carried these words with me for days now and everything is starting to feel lighter, taste sweeter and feel better as a result. I think a lot of people don't realize just how powerful their words are.

@naturalmedicine posed a challenge this week: Thoughts for Steem: Thrive! How Do You Creatively Support Your Mental Health? NATURAL MEDICINE CONTEST

we're asking you to take a step beyond survival into what helps you thrive? What are the actions and pathways you walk that help you creatively support your mental health?

I'll tell you one of the key ways in which I support my mental health.

YOU.

I've come to the conclusion that sharing, writing and being part of a supportive community has become the key way in which I support my mental well being. I am no literary magician but I've become free flowing with the pen these days and my heart and mind is lighter for having done so.

My new-found confidence to reveal uncomfortable truths paired with reading and appreciating other peoples honest stories has change me.

For the first time there is a community of people that understand and care about the same things that I do. There is kindness and compassion flowing back and forth and I live for that. I have been gifted with a sense of belonging. There isn't this need to be "just fine and dandy with a tight smile". I can actually be honest with how I feel without expecting to experience judgement, avoidance or shame.

I don't have an in-person community or sisterhood anymore. We moved to a rural setting in a place where we don't know anyone. Old friends with their busy town lives have no time to talk. It made me quite sad for a while to feel forgotten. You don't realize how important community is until you become completely isolated from it.

Love, Love. Love

Thank you to @naturalmedicine because I've really found a tribe and perfect community here. Thank your for the fresh insights, new perspective, encouragement and warmth. Thank you @ecotrain and @earthtribe for welcoming me into the fold, I am eager to get to know you all better. It means a lot to be part of such supportive, earth centred groups. I think that it is quite magical and perhaps cosmically intentional that we have all landed here together.

I also have to say a thank you to Wren @mountainjewel because she is the entire reason I began to open up more. Words can't even do justice to express how grateful I am to know Wren. It is such a privilege to read all that she shares.

I am also grateful for my supportive love @xwalkran who drags me back up for air when I start to sink. I appreciate that he is willing to catch me (over and over and over again). I am fortunate to have someone who can see in me the things I don't know how to see. We have this beautiful place, this homestead of our dreams but we both know that alone, it would be too lonely a place.

I also need to shout out to @riverflows, @mtnmeadowmomma, @goldenoakfarm, @thelaundrylady and many others too that have been so kind, warm and insightful.

Here's a little something that I spotted on the interweb because I think I need to close this post with a lopsided grin. Life is good, even when it dosen't feel so.

source

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[@walkerland ]
Building a greener, more beautiful world one seed at a time.
Wildcrafting | Homesteading | Frugal Living | Preserving Food| From Scratch Cooking

You can also find me at: walkerland.ca |
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