My Wife's 2011 Kia Soul needed a new battery, so I, as man of the house, volunteered to tackle this seemingly benign task and swap out the dying battery. I boasted that I could run over to the auto parts store, extract the old battery, replace and be home in under twenty minutes.
I think my brazenness brought out karma to smite me!
Every battery I've ever replaced was simply held in place by three or four clips which were easily accessed. Not the Kia Soul. These genius Korean Engineers couldn't make it that simple.
Behind the battery housing sits the onboard computer, which is as tall as the battery itself. Behind and below the computer are the two screws that have to be removed in order to free the mount that secures the battery. The screws are two inches long and the space allocated for wrenching them out is only good for about a quarter turn. Even with a socket with a swivel head it takes 47 quarter turns to remove each bolt.
The part that fries my whiskers is the fact that with each quarter turn of the socket, you have to be willing to cut yourself slightly, on another part of the engine. Make that same move 47 times and you end up with a nice wound.
Goddamned Engineers!
Engineers should have to sit down with a group of mechanics before they design the layout under the hood and consider how their design will affect those that will eventually have to swap out the parts. No, instead they just randomly strap the parts in willy-nilly, leaving the home mechanic with festering wounds on their hands.
Thankfully I brought a small tool box with me to the auto parts store for my curbside mechanical work. I had already gone in the store and ordered the battery and some wipers and told them I would be right back with the swap battery. Twenty minutes later I returned for my purchase, sweaty, dirty and bleeding. Thankfully the clerk had enough pity to not make a comment.
It had also started to rain as I reentered the store. :-)
Putting the battery housing back together was easier than the extraction, but accomplished in a steady shower. Life can be a real shit sandwich sometimes. I returned home to the misses over 40 minutes later than I had boasted I would, a wet - bloodied - dirty excuse of a man. She laughed in my face and asked when I was putting the new wipers on.
I went to the fridge and grabbed a beer. Wipers, stickem in your ear darling.
