Sunday morning I no longer have that unhappy feeling because it's Sunday.
I killed the unhappiness about not being permitted to do anything except for sitting still, visiting Sunday school or church and reading the bible. Sitting an entire day on a hard chair without having fun, just with that bible and being ignored is not what the day of rest should look like or? After six weeks of work, one day of rest should be meant to reload. To gather energy for the week coming up with all its hardships. Even if we think we know what lies ahead if we scheduled our life perfectly unexpected things happen. You don't need to have violent parents or have an abusive partner or be bullied to know how that works. The Dutch expression says: an accident hides in a small corner and it does.
We fall off stairs, bump into someone with a bad mood on the streets, meet the wrong people, even trust them and choke in our food because we don't take the time to eat properly. We buy low-quality stuff and believe bad health will not happen to us because we don't sport, although we don't do anything to keep us healthy.
Life should be lived, is for the living and shouldn't be spent sitting on a chair waiting till the day is over. Feeling miserable is not the way to gain energy for the next week. I wonder how many children worldwide are raised in the way I was. Parents hardly say a word but are still willing to beat you on Sundays. Hitting people, humiliating them and being angry is no hard work either is commanding others around and making them clean the house. Religion is a strange thing. It depends on what you believe what you are allowed to do, how strict the rules are and who is allowed to punish whom. The answer to the last question is usually the man. A man who can be a lazy arse, not earn a cent but still calls himself important, the head of the family. He can tie his wife and children up in the basement and rape them, use the whip and not once god's voice is heard, his mercy is seen or the cruelty is stopped. It's all done in the name of God, it's written in the bible even if you can't find these lines anywhere.
The holy book must be magical. What people need to misbehave can be found in it. If not you can twist the words into your truth. If you believe in it it's the truth that's how it worked in the old (medieval times and long before) and how it works today. Believe in it and it will all work out fine for you. The you who can be a criminal and still calls himself a Christian. The you who doesn't care about others is violent, a drunk and thief but still a Christian. That you who lies, cheats, envies and keeps scolding at others, saying to them they show no respect to their fellows.
If you sit still a lot or are bound to stay in bed all left to do is think. An entire day forced sitting on a hard chair with a bible doesn't do my thoughts any good. It gives a lot of room to question the world you live in starting with your family. That family that turns out not to practice the bible at all. Is it all fake? Was I raised in a fake world? Other people had fun. I heard the children out on the streets, people went out on Sundays. Indeed back then all shops were closed although I never understood why. It should be up to the shopkeeper when to rest and when to work. Isn't that what freedom is about? To some work is their life they enjoy it and it's their only way to meet people. What gives some the right to force others to stay home and sit and do nothing? I truly hope all those people forced to sit (straight up) still on a chair have as many thoughts as I have, angry thoughts. The only other times I have so many thoughts, angry thoughts are when I do monotonous work. That kind of work like cleaning, gardening, picking roses or other flowers gives me all the time in the world to think too much. Too much thinking is not good. It makes one figure out the truth about that hidden agenda many have, realizing those rules are only for those who are living under the cruel thumbs of a few and it makes me angry, furious, mad.
So far not one criminal could answer my questions: What makes you think you are a Christian, why should God love you and why don't you live by those rules?
Let's be honest we do not love our neighbour, we aren't like that Samaritan. We will never give our last coat away and didn't invite a stranger to dine with us not even on Christmas eve and we won't once it's Eastern. Our love and faith don't reach that far after all we believe what we believe and it's God who has to deal with all the injustice, cruelties and criminals in this life. God knows what he does, there's a good reason for all of this if you pray hard enough...
I heard and read these empty phrases today on the internet. I call them empty because the one who writes them is not willing to help out doesn't even offer to listen. Those few who do strangely enough never receive an answer. If you are lonely, miserable, struggle why not accept that hand that reaches out for you? What more is there to lose?
Did anyone ever reach out to me?
No one did during my childhood. No one did as I suffered not even my family. They knew they all did but feared more about themselves than a little child being molested. Why should they care for what didn't happen underneath their roof, wasn't caused by them? These Christians, church visitors washed their bloody hands and said: look I'm clean, you can't blame me.
No, indeed you can't blame the blinds although the blinds see more than the common man who refuses to see the truth. If that brain chip is implanted in each one of us Bill will be shocked to see how much anger lives in the head of the ordinary child and man Christians included. Anger is human and it needs a way to get out. It's unhealthy to hide these feelings to keep the peace. It will eat you and shows in mood swings, headaches, untrusty behaviour, cancer, high blood pressure, heart attacks. God won't come to your aid no matter if you pray hard life is a do it yourself course. You have to learn how to deal with hardships, how to avoid them or to be prepared. It's not said there's a good reason for everything, it's not said a hard life is a ticket to heaven, nor is being the perfect Christian. We don't know what god wants since we never met or heard his voice. We don't even know it's him because it's mother Earth, mother Nature and in the beginning, there was a God and Goddess just like there's yin and yang. One cannot exist not even be defined without the other which means god can be gender-neutral just like angels, souls and the aliens we see in cartoons. If it comes to it these are all just words. Words with a meaning, empty words or words no one cares about just like that cry for HELP. Help no longer does the trick, you have to call FIRE! How bad is the world we live in? The world of Christians? It depends on the community you belong to. Mine wasn't one with great, happy church services. No place where people happily sing and dance. No place where those who claimed to believe the same, lived by the rules greeted each other, liked to sit next to each other, shook hands and shared a peppermint with the coughing neighbour.
It's the place where people sit in the cold and where money is collected at least four times. After that, the men (in the old days) hurried to the pup and later people hurried home to warm up and have some coffee. The expected duty was done and they said: thanks to God that's behind us I'd rather stay in bed I didn't understand one word of what that preacher said what a waste of time.
Sundays... I learned it's the first day of the week. We shouldn't start that day by being forced to rest. A rest that doesn't give one energy but only a bad mood and makes angry. I'm not saying we should never take a break I think we should. We should invest more time in each other, talk if there's any need to or be in company and silence if that feels better. We should take time to think over our day, our life and try to make ourselves happy and if happiness isn't in it content. On average, we all can be satisfied with what we have which doesn't mean nothing bad will happen. Bad things always happen and in most cases, it's not our fault. Just like wars, there's always someone having a huge benefit from it. Like the Dutch idiom says: de een zijn dood (one person's death) is de ander zijn brood (is the other person's bread/income).
I never said I don't like Mondays I never liked Sundays. It wasn't easy to change that but I did. I stood up from that chair put the bible aside, put God on a hold and started to do things. Doing things on Sundays isn't a crime. God didn't say I was bad, the sky didn't fall upon me and I'm not the new man on the moon. No one stoned me to death because I did laundry on Sunday, changed diapers and prepared food and left my door open. God didn't hurt me nor did the devil although some people did those I put my trust in because I'm basically a good person no matter what my parents or abusers want me to believe, no matter how disappointed and angry I can feel. If I sit and pray, pray hard for someone to rescue me nothing will happen. I've been there and learned it's about doing yourself. Life isn't easy, no one said it would be fair and you will receive help. Help can be on the way if you focus on your fellow people, those other human beings outside who act. Know a positive reaction can only be the result of your action.
Don't wait for God to improve your life but go for it yourself. Happiness is something you have to work for. You might not feel happy 24/7, you might be molested and never had a safe harbour but what you never had shouldn't stop you from achieving it even if it feels like it takes a lifetime.
If you believe there's a reason for everything why not take this road? You won't hear God complain although your dictators and manipulators will try. I heard 1001 reasons why but no one could show me those lines in the book why I shouldn't. How we are raised, what we believe is an imprint made by a handful of people. It has nothing to do with free will, using your brains or being objective. What we read, saw, experienced, what some taught us is the basis for our truth. Kind of scary if you ask me and it's a fight to ignore what is taught believed the only truth as much as possible, to be open to different norms and values to ask: why should I do this if it brings me nothing and doesn't make me happy?
