More frequently I think: It's time to leave. I asked AI (friend Bing, the optimist) and this is the result. Time to leave or 'saying goodbye' is only seen as 'travelling' something happy. I kept creating with the same results but the truth is if I leave I go alone. No two passports, no suitcase (the last time I used one was as I moved), no huge backpack and I doubt I will say goodbye. What's the point in saying goodbye if you feel the need to leave? I don't smoke so I can't say I go buy cigarettes... Perhaps it's the leaves at the front door fall left behind telling me I am running towards my end? I did the job, and the sacrifices and don't want to do and give the last part of myself.
Did I find or better have the opportunity to be me during my life? Being the product of others I don't see as a good sign. "Training your kids" some say, just like training your pets, we train nothing we raise, instruct, dominate and destroy. Can be it's the ageing or my mind playing tricks with me because the end of the year means "cleaning up, a new start' but the more time passes by, the harder it is to start again. What I am today is the result of unwanted, abuse, a life filled with pain and rather being alone than enduring it. There's nothing great in enduring to be the black sheep, underdog, played and scammed one. No matter how kind or lovely a person is it doesn't weigh against losing oneself and being put on a halt or worse called for in case of need.
