During the research I did on the role sex plays in sustaining relationships, which is part of my series of articles on family relationships and society, one of the statistics that I found most interesting is that less than half of the heterosexual people in long term relationships reported being satisfied with their sex lives. Split by gender, 42% of women are satisfied and 54% of men. Conversely, lesbians reported as high as 86% sexual satisfaction in their relationships, depending on the study. What I found most interesting was that they generally experienced much higher frequency of orgasm during sex, 50% more, and reported much wider variety of touching, which they equated to more feelings of emotional intimacy.
Among the reasons women give for why they seek divorce, and 70% of divorces are sought by women, emotional connections failing to match expectations is a primary reason. One of the key differences between men and women is that women are far more likely to have close friends than are man, and if a woman’s close friend gets a divorce, they are 75% more likely to get one also.
There are other statistics that give us some perspective on the unhealthy state of our relationships. 17% of married people have sex once per month. 7% have sex once or twice per year, and 10% of married people haven’t had sex in a year. When you add those numbers up, 34% of marriages have sex once per month of less.
Conversely, the number of men who masturbate more than once per week is 81%, and 30% masturbate daily. A study of 6,000 women from twelve nations found that women masturbate an average of once per week and 35% of women reportedly never masturbated, although studies indicate that women desired intimacy twice per week on average.
It is obvious that there is a huge disconnect in human sexuality, resulting in frustration from unmet needs.
I have previously shared a time in my life that was not part of my public persona. I once belonged to a segment of society that enjoyed recreational, social sex. It is a somewhat difficult world to describe to people who are not aware of it’s existence, but imagine that you had friends of both genders who you occasionally gather with socially. Perhaps, you went on vacations together, or played card or board games. Over the years your affection and love for those people created bonds and familiarity. Now, try to imagine that along with other means of expressing that comfort, you include physical expressions with those of the opposite gender; things like kissing, holding hands when you walk, or sitting on each other’s laps. Perhaps you would curl up together on a couch together to read, or just to talk.
It isn’t a far-reach to consider, as comfortable as you are together, that sexual activity becomes a natural part of your community life. Before you discard that as being ridiculous, I think that if you consider the subject, it happens all the time, just not openly and with permission. Friends often have affairs with the husbands and wives of neighbors or friends. What if everyone had open permission to love each other physically, and it was common during your time together? Imagine that there was no shame in seeing each other naked, that seeing each other’s bodies was regarded as healthy behavior.
I stumbled into that community by chance, having noticed an ad in a magazine that made me curious. I followed up and made contact to see what it was about. Over the following months I uncovered an entire world that I had no idea existed. In every city, both here and in many nations, there are tens of thousands of people who belong to this culture. One group that I was close to had more than 10,000 members in that city. One vacation club that caters to that lifestyle has more than 30,000 members, and some online groups have enormous membership bases of hundreds of thousands of people.
To be clear, while these were often very large communities of like-minded people, those who routinely spent significant time together were usually small groups who developed close relationships. We traveled, and had similar interests like cycling, diving, or surfing. Many of us were naturists, or as some people term, nudists. We knew where there were legal beaches where people were comfortable without clothing. We spent a lot of time with each other’s families, and often knew each other’s children and parents. Not all of the us had sex, some were just very affectionate to a degree uncommon in the general population.
I remember once when several of us were watching the Tour de France, and a woman friend was sitting on my lap as we discussed the stage of the race we were watching. Another couple, not of the same ‘community,’ came into the room and were quite flustered to see us sitting together so intimately. We thought it was funny, because to us it was so innocent. Just two loving friends snuggled up watching something on TV. We would attend large gatherings as a small group, and most often we were associated together. People knew who was with who, it was just that the “who” was eight or ten people, instead of one other person.
Being a student of humanity, I often observe what is happening around me, trying to answer the obvious questions that come from watching people. In those situations, I often wondered why do so many people seek that form of community and why, given the significant numbers, is it not more legitimized. Of course, that answer might be buried within the stigmas created by religious influence, but given the way that modern society has opened up so many other archaic taboos, it always seemed like this question was most difficult to answer given the large percentage of society, 48%, that identify in surveys as being in poly relationships.
Another question that I pondered had to do with body image issues. Anyone who has ever spent time around Naturists, or as some term them, Nudists, will understand it when I say that the obsession people have with nudity or exposing very specific body parts is hilarious. Images of naked women are socially acceptable as long as the very tip of her breasts, and the immediate opening to her vagina are covered. Everything else being exposed is apparently unremarkable. Touching someone’s arm is not considered taboo, but touching a woman’s breast is.
To be continued in next post……..
Thanks for reading
