Hello beautiful souls, I do not really know how it happened but I have been losing interest in virtually everything recently, I have felt a little bit detached and it somehow feels like it is the part I have been fearing to take all these while but gradually I am slowly finding myself in that path. Lately I have found myself in a quiet space between who I used to be and who I am becoming.
Recently I have been asking myself a lot of questions without having any sincere reply, I do not know for sure but all I do feel is just to figure out who I really am.
I would say I have been a bit tired of everything, tired of trying to be the perfect girl, tired of trying to please everyone, tired of being that personality mum and dad really wants to see, tired of who I really am right now.
I just want some time to figure out who I really am, sooner or later everyone would find their own path but where do I truly belong.
I am getting tired of people around me who keep making empty promises, I hate that feeling of being disappointed and that has made me to believe that no one owe me anything, with this in mind
I know I would limit my expectations from people and rely more on myself. I just realized that at the end it is just me versus me, the whole circle would be wiped off and at that point I would have to focus on me.
That has made me to question so many things, no one can truly give an answer except my creator.
I have to turn to him and keep the question clear, why was I born? Why do I even exist? Why am I still here? What’s the whole essence of my being here till now? I know the whole process of my existence was not a mistake as God does not make mistakes.
Everything was carefully mapped out and planned before I was even born and now I have to keep asking , who am I ? and why was I really born?
In all I know all these questions still centers on “PURPOSE” the “why” of existence. It would be very shameful if after my stay here on earth I do not have any thing to show forth or any live transform for good and that is the whole reason I keep asking the ‘why’ question.
But of a truth finding that path sometimes lives a person sad and lonely, discovering who you really are sometimes comes with a price where you lose so many things, let go and walk away from noises, people and of all the version of ourselves that was only living to please others.
I am feeling that way slowly and I can tell sincerely that it hurts but I chose to live in purpose. Maybe God is helping me to look up to him alone for answers and for the time being, I’ll keep asking questions, keep searching and keep trusting that one day it will all make sense.
It is 11:30 pm and I am already dozing, goodnight y'all
