Brimming with Confidence

Confidence is supposed to be this magic ingredient that makes us great at everything.

It solves all your problems. Can't find a date? Start building confidence. Not promoted at work? Be more confident.

Well, it's true in a way. The more confident you are, to a point, the better you are at overcoming obstacles and the more likely people are to respond to you in a positive way. But most of us have insecurities even if we'd never admit it. And building confidence is hard. I observe this all the time in my work with counseling and coaching clients here in my Fairfax City office.

One of the reasons is that confidence isn't something you can approach directly. It's a function of self-esteem. Our self-esteem is how we see ourselves, how we value ourselves, and what we think we're capable of. This is determined by many factors including how others treat us and what successes or failures we've experienced in the past.

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That means that self-esteem can be developed, but it's a process. A motivational speech might get you temporarily fired up, but it doesn't change how you view yourself. The same goes for being pushed to do something. That's why many personal coaching efforts fail – because they're more about firing encouragement than they are about creating multiple little successes that change your self-value.

Is there a better way?

Accomplishing something tangible truly helps in this area One thing that has worked for me is martial arts practice. Martial arts are different than most sports because they focus on personal transformation. They're more about the “I” than the team. You learn at your own pace, regardless of the pace of others in your class.

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And every week you see yourself become better, mastering something that you used to struggle with or overcoming a personal fear (anyone who has sparred against an opponent knows this). In other words, martial arts help build a track record of successful experiences in your life. The more you come back the more successful you become. This affects how you value yourself, and that higher self-esteem translates into multiple areas of your life.

Martial arts isn't the only pastime that does this, it's just what has worked for me and many others I have met. What have you done that helped improve your self-esteem? Do you think it would work for others? If you're lacking in accomplishments in your life, perhaps it is time you started talking to someone about remedying this area. Building confidence can improve every facet of your life.