The world around you feels heavy and gloomy when there is a feeling that overwhelms you; that covers you like a gray nebula that tries to crawl into the abyssal holes. That time shame took hold of me, for I believed I had fallen into the coreness of sin; which I had committed to save my life at the expense of another.
Years ago I had a job in which I felt very content. I worked in an office in the police force with friendly and proactive co-workers. My boss was a hard woman on me, but I'm sure she was doing it to get me to improve and polish up fast. My co-workers were good, but one of them didn't put enough performance into the job, over time, that started to get annoying.
I talked to my father about my situation at work. He, watching me with that particular reflective look on his face, arms crossed and eyes narrowed, lifted his chin and said, "Just do your job and don't worry about the others."
That left me in a dizzying limbo of confusion, as I didn't know at the time if my father's advice was the right one to follow through with. Maybe I didn't explain myself well and that's why he only granted me that bland conclusion, or maybe he was right and I should just keep quiet and not say the erratic things my co-worker was doing.
For the moment it didn't affect me, but it did get to be annoying, it was like a fly that interrupts your concentration. A sea that suddenly becomes restless and generates waves that pound wildly on the shore; in this case, I was the shore.
My co-worker was very nice, but her poor performance at work started to get to me, even with my boss at the time. Sometimes I would stop doing my reports to help her do hers. At other times I would cover for her when she was late, claiming she was in the restroom or the main office of the head of the institution.
Once I was caught in a lie and that's when my heart skipped a beat. My boss was furious that I was protecting my co-worker, whom she could no longer stand for underperforming. She wanted to put me in that package, claiming that between me and my co-worker, there was some kind of hidden alliance against the job stability of the office, and that, if I wasn't careful, I could be fired too.
I blanched at such a warning, felt a cold chill run down my back and my mouth hung open for a while. I did not want to be fired, I liked that job and I could not lose it because of someone who had no interest in improving.
They were days of exhaustive reflection, my mind seemed like an expanding whirlpool about to go out of orbit. My father's advice ended up being pretty sound after all: "Just do your job and don't worry about others," leaving me with only the phrase: "Don't worry about others," adding to it also: "You must not leave yourself aside."
I had to do what I had to do, I talked to my boss before she made a rash decision. I told her everything from the shoddy reports prepared by my co-worker to the late arrivals to work on her part. She watched me quietly throughout, I could detect a hint of disappointment in her eyes.
"Don't worry, I'm going to take action, she can't be here anymore," was all she said to me, and then asked me to go back to my job.
A complaint was filed with human resources, which managed to get effect and this information was passed on to the director of the institution. My co-worker was cited and then fired by the boss. I did not see her face during her departure, but my other co-workers assured me that she was very sad and teary-eyed.
I felt guilty at the time and had many doubts as to whether I had done the right thing, but my boss had put me between a rock and a hard place by threatening me with dismissal. For several days I felt bad, although the work environment now felt calmer. I could now flow more naturally and do my work without interruptions.
I didn't hear from my former co-worker until recently, who had started working in court as a paralegal. According to the girls at work, she was doing very well, and she was doing well there.
After learning this, my guilt dissipated, and I began to think that, instead of doing her a disservice, I was doing her a favor by letting her leave a job where she was unhappy.
