Loving with your heart wide open is terrifying.
If you've ever had your heart broken, lost someone close to you, built a life with someone who fell in love with someone else, or opened your heart only to be rejected you know the pain of a broken heart.
Having your heart broken changes you. It makes you jumpy, cautious, fearful and it's hard to trust again. You build these walls around yourself and become a little more cynical and negative. You might feel like a victim, you may feel angry, wounded, broken. Many times men become the enemy.
I've been here. I was convinced I would never open my heart again. I hated men. I shaved my head, I wore army boots and odd fitting clothes. I wanted to repel men, I wanted them to find me unappealing, I wanted to bury my beauty, my essence, my femininity in such a deep dark SAFE place. I wanted it hidden away so no one could ever find the soft, open vulnerable parts of me. So that no one could hurt, reject or break me.
Turns out that part of me is ALL of me. When I buried it away I became a lost woman. I was empty, I was cold, I was numb. I felt scattered and scared. I found that being disconnected from your feminine core is more terrifying than a broken heart. I realized that men were not the enemy. Walls, emotional shut down, resentment, fear and rage were the enemy. I needed to forgive, forgive the flaws in all of us, men and women, let go and move on.
The part of me I hide away is what makes me unique and lovely. That's the part of me that has little girls approach me on the street and older gentlemen hold open doors for me. That's the part of me that can teach and guide my children with firmness and love, that's the part of me that can sing and dance in the grocery store when everyone is watching. Thats the part of me that lights up every room I step into. That's my soul, my heart, that's where my essence and love live.
I'm no longer scared of a broken heart. I'm not longer scared of showing my vulnerability, I'm no longer scared of being hurt or rejected.
What I'm truly scared of is NOT remaining open. I'm scared of being cold and numb. I'm scared of keeping my gifts behind my walls and not using them to serve.
Loving with your heart wide open is the only way to love. Building walls and holding back is what's terrifying.
Spread the love, open your heart, take the risk, it's worth it.
