I think that I have done my very best in all relationships, be it romance...friendships...family...relatives...supports for others, strangers...etc...past and present. On top of everything, my multiple physical illnesses and mental health, including heavy past traumas and being a caregiver, I almost lost it earlier today, but thankfully, I managed to not react and managed to find support within myself and did tonglen and etc...also practiced self-compassion by acknowledging the strong emotions. I have to keep myself sane, lol, 😂. I also managed to call back and listened to someone who sort of sometimes triggered, with lots of patience and see the kindness that the person has.
It's been very exhausting; my body is telling me that I need the care for myself. Honestly, having some therapy might be helpful or at least some outlet for me to express or maybe even be allowed to cry, but this is not possible for me in my current situations, so I'm still handling everything all on my own, ex-therapist also left the organization. Chinese New Year is around the corner, and I don't want to trouble a few people who might be able to support me; they are quite busy. Letting go doesn't mean that I no longer care for people; it's just that I think that I really can't keep giving when my jar is empty, I also need water, lol.
So, in 2025, I would love to do more for myself, especially in the areas of compassion practices. I hope to be able to balance with communication with others too. I have no intentions to isolate myself from others. In fact, I will continue to still do my very best during the festive seasons and practice mindful listening and speech.
