My therapist stated that I should not push my feelings back to the Pandora box. The more I let them go away the less I'll heal. She argues that I have a viking superego. This kid, doesn't like me to enjoy or feel a bit fresh or even comfortable as if life is a struggle.
I'd agree that life is a struggle but when we're patching the wounds, there are two ways of getting the job done. One to overjudge ourselves, say like you could've avoided this, etc. Or two, to say oh it is so sad that you are in such pain, that I'm in such pain, that I'm you, I'm patching up my own wounds just alone.
It's not sometimes that hard to just acknowledge how fucked we are & how unfair everything has been. Today I've been the kind nice guy. But didn't work out for me. My sister just did what felt good for her, cared less about the situation that I'm in. Why should I care about hers? Because I've read Nietzsche & I don't want the abyss to look into me?
Whatever that is, just is, yet I have little control over my own emotions let alone others'. This is not what I deserve, have been doing my best, yet not working. All this nagging & pain that I went through to start this blog has made the anger feel less real but it's there. It'll hunt me for the day. It's not going to leave me alone.
I should stand up for my beliefs, standards & values. I've sacrificed a lot for this opportunity, won't let you take it away from me. I have no chains that you control, I'm a free man.
Anger gets outta the box so easily that you might miss it on the spot that it's even there. But shame, why did I scream, or shout, or whatever. I feel sad for the pain I caused. Sad? Nope, ashamed. Sadness is too shallow for this. Yet I live to see them all rot.
