Relationship Goals and Super Powers
Pure joy is a mystery. We discount satisfaction with hard won insecurity We discount our ability to thrill with feelings of trepidation. I wonder if everyone is half lost in calculations about the future.
Imperfection turns some people into ice. It freezes them. We could learn something about love from dogs. They really seem to be in the moment. How can we thaw our inhibitions?
People commonly invest themselves heavily into their first relationship. We arrive with every hope and expectation and earnestly try to make dreams come true. Expectations have great staying power, but reality is a harsh limitation. Most accomplishments are hard won. Most people are starting from behind in an uphill race. Can the relationship go the distance? Will love survive? Rarely. I think it depends on our ability to believe that our dreams can be realized together and that no challenge is too great.
When it comes to first loves, I don't think it is sex that imprints one to another. I think it is all the shared experiences. People grow skeptical in time, but we see our best lovers without the cataracts of disappointment. We live in those moments and we try to be our best selves. I suppose mistakes can be made, but I believe we actually see and love the genuine good we find in others.
Relationships end when people stop trying. Subsequent relationships are tainted by the fear that the next person will also give up. It may be that I am projecting. This could all be my unique perspective. Nonetheless, informed by my experience I'm speaking broadly. Love remains an option to everyone who is willing to dream of better days, to meet, and to put in the work. It does take work. In fact love is entirely about giving. It isn't a meaningful word without action.
Although good relationships are rewarding, the rewards are surprises. Those who demand certain outcomes must prioritize the ends over the means. The resulting relationships are often heartless and transactional. Prospective partners may have everything, they may even be genuinely good, but the negotiating parties didn't dream together. There's no story and nothing to hope for. All the growth is behind them. The negotiation isn't conspiratorial, it is conditional and antagonistic. We do collaborate with society, but most mercantile relationships are unsurprisingly forgettable. ( Revisit this topic if you are studying sales and business. )
Personally, I don't want transactional friendships. I want to grow with you. Let's cooperate and become our ambitions. We can make demands of life, but we don't need to negotiate alone. We can back each other up and encourage each other to greater accomplishments. As a team we will always outclass the lone operators.
Consider the differences between Superman and He-man. I insist that Superman is inferior to He-man because He-man always had the Masters of the Universe at his side. Superman's story is strength as a default, and while he did have super friends, they were all isolated elitists. He-man's story is strength born out fear and weakness. Even when he was weak his friends made him strong. They didn't even need the power of Greyskull, it just made things easier. If you investigate it, you will find that the power of Greyskull wasn't even from the sword or from Greyskull. He-man's power was confidence, and often times his friends had to remind him of his greatness because it's difficult to be confident and hopeful all the time. Having real friends is empowering. As friends we can become our best selves and we can become stronger than the sum of our parts.
Fear, doubt, insecurity, hope, trust, appreciation, love, and collective action; those are realistic ingredients for a satisfying story arc.
Most comic books, sitcoms, and soap operas are escapist fantasies about terrible people getting magical rewards. It's repackaged religion preaching self acceptance to the do nothing crowd. It's hero worship that externalizes the locus of control. It's a message of superstitious contentment that sets the mind at ease and dulls the pain of that gnawing sense that novel and drastic action must be taken.
Life is too short for inactivity, perfectionism, lies, selfishness, theft, and war. We are flawed, but everyone has something great to contribute.
I don't want super friends. I want eternal friends who train together and become the masters of the universe despite our doubts and imperfections.
It's healthy to dream of cooperation and limitless generosity. There is no shortage of hope and love and there isn't any reason to live in fear. The universe is immeasurably abundant and death is the ultimate and lasting peace.
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image by Gwendlg
https://www.deviantart.com/gwendlg/art/She-Ra-He-Man-and-Cringer-758386128
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