I often find it unfair and irrational that parents would have several children but have a favourite one. I understand that It is in human nature for us to have a favourite cloth, colour, favourite song and so on. In fact having a favourite child may not be any problem at all. The problem begins when it becomes very obvious to the children that a favourite exists, thus allowing the favourite to be the center of attraction which often leads to the other being left behind.
This often results in uneven treatment. The rest are often treated like they do not matter especially when a certain child seems prospective academically while the rest are not as intelligent but average students with undiscovered talents.
I'm saying undiscovered talents because every child is talented in their own way but simply need a push or a catalyst to allow that giant in them spring forth.
Unfortunately, the prospective child is raised shoulders high and more attention is given while the average is left behind and constantly criticized for not being as good as the other. This often leaves such child feeling like he or she isn't good enough and will never amount to anything no matter how hard he or she tries.
Self esteem goes down the drain afterwards and then comes the rage, the fever, and the feeling of powerlessness that leaves good men sour.
This is often accompanied by depression, social anxiety, traumatic reactions and a noticeable decline in academic performance as compared to the initial. Yes, even children get depressed in case you were wondering!
The feeling of zero self worth and self-esteem often has long term effects on the quality of their lives as they transition into adulthood.
Apart from favouritism as in the above example, it is common for parents to give all love and attention to their first born child but soon shift from the first to the new born since babies usually require more attention. The first child will easily notice the shift in attention and may begin to feel neglected and will seek attention at all cost.
If the desired attention isn't gotten, hatred for the new-born may develop and dejection follows suit.
In both cases the children will often feel worthless and a feeling of inadequacy overwhelms them, thus allowing them to give up on attempting to please their parents in the long run because they feel they are no longer worthy of attention and love as compared to the favoured.
It leads to a sense of independence which may seem like an advantage to a certain degree but is unfortunately always accompanied by isolation, difficulties with interpersonal relationship.
I'm one such example- after dad's death, mom became lonely and my elder sister became her companion and gist partner. She became the favourite child as they planned everything together in the long run and left me behind.
It was almost like I didn't exist. Nothing I did made any sense to anyone and my words were literally meaningless.
Changes occurred in the long run but I was already a broken boy. Ten years later and I still live with depression for reasons I may never understand.
Conclusion
Parents need to be fully conscious and aware of their decisions when dealing with their children so they can consciously overcome the desire to favour one child over another.
If they have a favourite child, they would do well by keeping that favouritism to ourselves. What each child needs is encouragement in places where they are lacking. Aiming at them with their difficulties/challenge will do them no good. But by encouraging them with the words "you can do it", they will feel loved.
First borns should be made to understand through thorough discussions and follow ups why the toddler requires attention all the time and should bot be made to feel left out either consciously or unconsciously.
Children deserve a lot of love. But if their parents don't give them who will?