How to Affect the Biochemistry of Love
Since early childhood we've been told that love is built up out of feelings. But what are the actual components behind feelings of attraction and long term attachment? And how can we get better control of those feelings? Recent research has given us lots of clearer answers. By better understanding the underlying biochemistry of the feelings of love, and by learning about ways to manage that chemistry, you can improve the quality and longevity of your relationships, and help Make Love Last .
Steps
Make eye contact. According to Dr. Barbara Frederickson, a prominent psychologist and researcher, eye contact with positive intentions can directly increase oxytocin and a sense of connection with the other person. [1]
Oxytocin is the fundamental Love chemical most closely associated with longer term bonding and commitment. [2]
Make a conscious effort to make eye contact with your partner throughout the day, even from across the room. When your eyes connect, smile or maybe even flirt by winking.
Give or exchange affectionate touch. A good hug can instantly give a boost to oxytocin. [3]
Exercise together, or even on your own. Exercise stimulates dopamine production.
Dopamine is associated with the ‘drunk on love’ feeling, infatuation, and blindness to the others flaws. [4]
Eat healthy meals together. Proteins found in meats and other founds are converted to the amino acid, tyrosine, which is the fundamental ingredient of dopamine.
Relax together with vanilla or lavender aromatherapy. Both of these scents stimulate the production of endorphins. [5]
Endorphins are associated with pleasure, including the rush of sexual pleasure, and connect some sexual experiences with feelings of love. [6]
Have sex more often. Sexual intercourse releases chemicals like oxytocin and vasopressin.
Vasopressin contributes to a sense of bonding for men. [7]
Understand the phases of love, and figure out which one you are in. [8]
Phase 1: Attraction. The neurotransmitter phenylethylamine causes anxiety and stomach burn. The hormone testosterone triggers sexual desire, which usually activates the senses in a particular order – vision, sound, smell and taste. Other symptoms include: increased pulse, dilating of pupils, salivation, erect penis and wet vagina.
Phase 2: Romantic Love. The brain, in particular its limbic system and a variety of its chemicals, gets more involved as the goal becomes reproducing with your partner. Dopamine causes extreme feelings, whereby you may both love and hate your romantic interest at the same time.
Phase 3: Attachment. The brain’s neocortex, responsible for rational thinking, creates a need for stability in the relationship. More pleasure hormones, such as endorphin, oxytocin (for women) and vasopressin (for men), are released during orgasms and exchanges of affection, and thereby linking sex with love.
Phase 4: Lasting Love. Oxytocin plays the major role in creating and maintaining a lasting bond between a couple. But it doesn't sustain itself automatically. If you aren't feeling connected, experiment with the steps above to try to rekindle the oxytocin and feelings of connection.
Learn to watch for changes in your biochemistry. All these chemicals running around in your brain are often triggered without your conscious thought, and you are left with making sense of them and how they affect your decision making. When you feel the sensations linked with these chemicals, look more closely at what is going on, what you want to have happen next and what you want longer term.
