I am lost in thought, guided by faint hope, kept on track by reality, and powered by desire. What I need the most is what I do not want. A conundrum you have faced just as much as I have. We dream and so we can achieve. But my dreams are more than just hopes and wishes...they are a reminder of how dark the sunny day really is.
I wish I was fortunate enough to remain ignorant. Blissful would be my life. I could walk the streets without having a single aching thought. I would not be rushed with anxious nerves every time I'd pass someone on the street. I would have the shiniest grin on my pale face that'd make the stars insecure.
But the mere idea of living a life without having any pressing thoughts makes my brain boil. I feel a thousand bugs crawl on my skin and walk into my nose. Debates, agitations, deliberations, disputes, these make for a worthy ethos.
I am riddled by Miss Fancy Eyelashes who finds it rewarding to boast about throwing something extra at the cashier's for charity. That extra money never goes to charity but goes to the business after a full circle. How could you not notice something like that?
To live a life where only the present matters. Sounds exciting. And very very boring. I love being curious. I think curiosity is what makes us human. Some aren't even curious about how their clothes are made and how many children are beaten to have them made. How selfish to not to think deeply about the very clothes you wear on your skin.
Every second is torment. I live in a constant nightmare knowing we are all innately greedy. And greed leads to evil. Most of our actions are motivated by something evil. It could be money, or pride, or the need to be validated. I am not exempt from the innate evil either. But I would love to live in bliss where I'd never seek the ulterior motive behind every single thing. I dream of living a life where I wouldn't think...at all.
