story so far - facing my fears and benzo addiction / poly substance use.
First thing I did was come off facebook, be alone with my thoughts and set up a plan. I handed over my finances to parents, who went through all my transactions and saw I was spending up to around 600 a month on just substances alone (and that was my minimum), I have been drug / alcohol clean for 7 days now except for hash which I will continue to use.
I decided to finally go to my doctor and admit my diazepam addiction. I got prescribed 15mg and got a script for 4 weeks and will be seeing him again in 3 weeks for an update, I am currently on 18mg.
I explained how I had been on benzos for 5+ years and used the pre-ban benzos and thats where I got hooked, I explained how I currently use black market benzos and feel I need a reliable source to be able to withdraw properly and be legitimately prescribed and under medical supervision, with different support systems in place to prepare for withdrawal such as peer support groups and loved ones (Narcotics Anonymous)
I am 7 days into withdrawal, I have dropped 2mg now and I will update more about the symptoms. (Preoccupation and obsession with withdrawal is a withdrawal symptom itself!
I will be quitting my job this week as I cannot handle it. I work in the health and social care sector in a challenging behaviour home, its a mentally demanding job, I had to leave early yesterday because I was about to have an anxiety attack, I am literally holding on for the 4 weeks if I can.
I am currently using methods such as exercise, video games, sorting out my diet plan, journal and setting small good habits and goals to accomplish for when I am out of work.
Everyday is a struggle, being so used to consuming different drugs when I want for a decade to literally just hash and nicotine, I am brain dead and emotionless, nothing excites me and I do not feel pleasure even from the hash.
I will continue when and if I can to post updates, this is not just for me but also to raise awareness to the people who are fucking with benzos not to take them lightly, stay the fuck away.
It doesn't matter how smart or knowledgeable you are with drugs, if you use them for long enough eventually they will get you, and it doesn't just affect you but your family and loved ones.
Peace xoxo
