Had quite an excruciating afternoon this week. Bumped into another daddy daycare at the library and he gave me a hot tip about a child's music and singing group they do there one afternoon.
Now I fucking hate singing in public. It makes me feel v self conscious. However the midget finds singing magical; and what she likes goes. Plus in these groups you can drop your volume and your voice gets lost in the general drone.
So we pitch up at the library on the appointed afternoon. I can't see any kids milling about (in truth I feel a bit relieved). No singing today! I'm just about to indulge my morbid curiosity in the True Crime section when I get waylaid by a rather earnest woman.
Apparently singing is still on today, she just does not know where everyone is. Just to make me feel really welcome she says the midget is a bit young for it, but we can stay anyway (no please let us go).
The long and the short if it is that nobody else showed up. We were plonked on a single chair in front of this women in the middle of the library. I was mumbling songs I didn't know and attempting to sign along to the songs like someone on tranquilisers.
The midget was not having any of it. She was wriggling and grumbling on my lap. Even she, a one year old knew we were committing social suicide. I could see regular library users peering around the shelving to see who the friendless bellend was that was destroying songs and the general peace in the library.
Thankfully the woman showed some mercy and finished the session a bit early. She asked the midget if she wanted a piece of fruit. She crawled over and took a banana.
The woman still wouldn't let us go through. She clearly didn't want to go back to the office an hour early. So she was telling me about her funding etc. The midgets eaten about half the banana. But then spat a big mouthful of it into my hand. The woman kept on talking, I can't get away and the chewed banana is melting in my hand. I started to panic.
I'm ashamed to say I put that regurgitated banana in my mouth and ate it :-(
