We are a work in progress, whether life takes each one of us on a crazy journey or whether we try our hand at a more docile way of living. I'm not really one for being docile. I like to experience things to the fullest. Going all in, I mean we only have one life, right? So why shouldn't we, give it our all.
Having that mentality has it's downfalls though, because it's not always easy to then tone it down. I'd like to say that I have a good understanding of my limits, especially when it comes to pushing myself and I do, but I don't always listen to myself. I see the signs, but still I keep going. Ignoring my own body and mind.
So it can get exhausting at times and I get burnt out, cos even though I know I can do it all, I still try and try. There is this part of myself, that won't give up. Why? My fear of being seen as a failure, deep entrenched, beliefs, because I believe I already am.
I guess we all struggle with our thoughts, that internal dialogue, that keeps our brains working in overdrive. Draining us of our time and energy. I have my ways in which I can quieten them, but I'm not very good at prioritizing them, so I let myself suffer, it's a part of the journey, right?
My daughter asked me the other day, that if I were to die, would I be happy with the person that I am. Then today I see that it is one of the questions (well sort of) that 
My life is by no means perfect, there is a lot that I would still like to accomplish, things that I would like to change, about how I live. But about who I am. Well no, not really. I am a work in progress and I as time goes past things become a little clearer. I have made many mistakes, but those mistakes were also opportunities to learn, to grow. I have come to understand, that there is nothing to regret, because every challenge, every mistake, is a part of your journey.
If I changed anything from my past, I would not be who I am. This strong headed, stubborn, wild, nature, earth mama. Who takes on many roles within her home, family and community. I push myself, sometimes because I feel like i have no choice and realistically I don't. Other times I push myself because I want to do better. Sometimes it's because I am stubborn and that is something I am working on.
Whilst also understanding that it is a huge part of who I am, it's really what got me living the way that I do. But it can also grind me to a halt, one that continues for far too long, until I begin to feel stuck. So I struggle with finding the right balance sometimes. I still struggle with self care. There is definitely room for improvement on that front.
Another thing, I really would like to be, is less critical of others. Some folk can really rub me up the wrong way, those that have inflated egos, who walk around with this self righteous, air of importance. I'm pretty sure I am allergic to those sort of folk. Especially when they like to call themselves, Shamans or the like. You know the ones, who pay for that title.
I really can get triggered by people, so I tend to stay away from them, but also can't help to slang them off a bit. Which I know isn't okay, but damn if it doesn't make me feel better. Which in itself is not okay, cos then there I am belittling them. I'm really trying to work on that one, but honestly, some, don't make it easy.
I think you would have to be fairly naive,if you didn't think there was room for improvement in your life. I mean much of life, is about trying to become a better person, a better version of yourself, if you are brave enough to step up to the challenge that is.
But yes I am happy with the person I am, with the values I hold dear, with the way that I choose to live my life, the responsibility I take for those choices. Because who I am, governs the way in which I live, they go hand in hand. I would not be happy, if I was living any other life. Of course they are some things that still need some tweaking, that's how life goes.
All the photos used in this post are mine.