So I think that we have been doing love wrong, not like, catastrophically wrong, but wrong in this kinda quite but exhausting way that nobody really talks about, we keep adding stuff like ...More texts, more grand gestures, more proving it,more people in our corner, more noise, and somewhere in all that more, the actual feeling gets buried, like, when was the last time you just sat with someone in total silence and it felt like enough? that is the thing, that silence used to be enough, now it feels like something's wrong if nobody's talking, i think we have confused love with performance, and I get it social media, movies, even that post above, it is all telling us love should feel like a constant speech, beautiful words, big apologies, grand reminders, and yeah, that stuff is sweet, but real love? In my experience, it is quieter than that.
I have noticed something about relationships that really last, like friendships and romantic relationships and family relationships, they all have one thing in common, they do not need a lot of work to keep them going, you do not have to put in a lot of effort every day to keep relationships like these alive, relationships that actually last can take care of themselves.
The relationships that need you to do something for them all the time and need you to tell them everything is okay all the time are usually the relationships that are not very strong, this is because these relationships are based on what you do for each other not on being together, Relationships that actually last, like friendships and romantic relationships and family relationships are built on being present for each other not, on doing things for each other.
Same thing happens with the people you hang out with, we think that the more people we know the more loved we will be.. the truth is, having a lot of friends who do not really know you is a pretty lonely thing, It is lonelier than having a few friends who actually know what you are all about, when you simplify things and stop trying to make everyone happy and you just focus on the people who really get you something changes, you stop pretending to be someone you're not, you just show up as yourself.
That is where you find closeness, with your social circle, in the people you have around you that is where the real intimacy lives. In the less.
Less explaining yourself,less proving your worth, less curating how you come across, just here I am, this is what I have got today, take it or leave it, and the people who stay? those are your people.
I think about that line from a certain post,
"my heart chooses you every single day." That's not loud, that is actually really quiet. It's a daily, boring, undramatic choice, and that is what makes it beautiful, not the speech, the choosing.
So maybe love doesn't need a letter every time things get hard, maybe it needs you to just stay in the room, to not leave when it gets uncomfortable, to not need the other person to be perfect, just present.
Less expectation, less noise, less crowd.
More of just ,you, me, and enough, because I think the moment we stop demanding love to look a certain way, it finally gets space to actually feel like something real, and real, quiet, chosen love? that hits different than any grand gesture ever could.
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