How much worse could it be? It's my thought as a sub-title because I couldn't sum up a better topic.
This is just early April and I never saw these changes coming.
I would never have believed that I could lose my streak in a night.
I would never have believed that I could stay for weeks without a visit to my blog
I would never have believed that I could experience low interest in reading
I would never have believed that I could mix business with pleasure.
No, I would never have believed that anything is capable enough to affect me business-wise
And I never could have believed that I could be the cause of someone's pain someday.
In truth, we're all bad in someone's story and that's for the last best which I reserve for the best.
Safe to say, I've lost interest in a whole lot of things. I remember while I was back home, a few times Mom had said to me “Victory you’ve changed”.
And if you know me too well, surely it won’t be news to you how much that statement gets me, I take it as you telling me to be careful, just like when someone tells me “Victory be careful”.
Oh my!! Another that gets to me.
I hate the feeling of being in the wrong. I hate the feeling of looking as if am going astray.. and that is how it is on me now.
I saw the prompt and I didn’t need anyone to tell me those words to me, because I know it’s true, I know I’ve changed so much that nothing interests me anymore.
It’s almost like I’ve become harder on myself and lock out things both good and bad because……
I’ve shared countless times how much writing means to me, it’s like personal therapy, and how alive I love seeing my blog.
But what’s the story now?
Writing, yes, that continued.. with a huge mess of drafted notes on my pad and my blog left untouched.
It took all within me to pull up my login keys because of how embarrassed I felt.
What then about books?
I’ve lost it there too, not even audio reads seem to do the job. And the part of me letting my emotions oversee everything else affected a big part of me in an unexplainable manner.
The height of it all is the last mentioned. I didn’t know how it happened but I ended up giving out something I wouldn’t love to be given, thereby making me the cause of someone’s pain.
There’s a part where I don’t like seeing my loved ones hurt and there’s a higher string of concern when am the reason for the hurt.
So much is scattered around my table and in a way wished there was a shell I could shield in until all this is over. In one of my recent posts, I wrote about childhood,, yes I craved the peace it brought because it looked as if there could never be an end to growing up and learning about the different shades of colors life brings our way.
There’s a lot more to these but I would take it as an evolution because this too shall pass.
Photo credit is mine.
